


Par Amor

by airplanewishes



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Adultery, Angst, Domestic Violence, Drama, F/M, Female Baekhyun, Female Chanyeol, Female Kyungsoo, Female Lu Han, Friendship, Infidelity, Love at the wrong time, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-27
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:27:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8392585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/airplanewishes/pseuds/airplanewishes
Summary: Two halves do not always make a whole.





	

Par Amor

 

Baekhyun goes through her checklist, black pen on hand, as she moves down the hallway to make sure that all the rooms are in order. Lu Han, who’s walking beside her with her own checklist on hand, rattles off the room assignments from perfect memory. Baekhyun peeks into one of the rooms, glancing at the neat bed by the wall, the clean bathroom, as well as the vanity mirror. She quickly takes in her slightly disheveled appearance and runs a hand down her brown locks to smooth down some tangles.

“Are we sure that there’s hot water, no clogged toilets or drainages?” Baekhyun asks, leaving the room and moving towards the lobby. “Also, we have to have instructions on how to work the hot water.” She puts a tiny note right beside room arrangements.

“Done and done,” Lu Han swiftly responds. “Kyungsoo has made sure that each room has a perfectly working bathroom. We’ve also made sure that bathrooms near the session hall are working perfectly.”

They reach the session hall where the seminar they’re preparing for is going to be held. Baekhyun eyes the tables seamlessly placed in orderly rows and columns, each with a notebook and pen on them.

“Name tags?” Baekhyun then asks as they approach the service table at the back of the room, where their teammates are.

“All in order,” Kyungsoo pipes in, looking up from her seat. She reaches out a hand and squeezes Baekhyun’s. “Everything’s going to be fine. Don’t worry so much.”

“I’m not worried,” Baekhyun immediately corrects her. “I’m not,” she repeats when both Lu Han and Kyungsoo raise their eyebrows at her. “I’m just making sure that everything’s going to go smoothly. We don’t want any hiccups on my first event.”

“There won’t be,” Lu Han insists. She glances at the balcony. “Here,” she continues, grabbing the clipboard, as well as other documents from her hands, and replaces it with one of the name tags. “That gentleman over there is early. Make friends.”

“There’s still so much to be done—“ Baekhyun starts to protest.

“Not really,” Kyungsoo interrupts with a shake of her head, her jet-black hair falling over her shoulder. “And if something comes up, we’ve got it under control. Zitao and Minseok are manning the registration booth.”

Baekhyun’s eyes flutter to the direction of the registration area. “Get Sehun out there and Zitao back in here,” she decides. “We can’t have two males welcoming the guests. We need some charm.”

Lu Han rolls her eyes. “It’s a seminar, but okay.” She gets up and nods towards the balcony. “You better be talking to that guy by the time I get back,” she warns before walking out of the room to talk to Zitao and Minseok.

Baekhyun sighs as she looks at the guy leaning against the railing just outside of the room. It’s not that she’s against making new friends. She’s just not really good at it, being out of practice for so long. She’d seen that guy arriving that morning. He’d arrived too early, while they were in the middle of setting the room up. He’d smiled really nicely and told them not to worry about him, that he’ll just be outside. Baekhyun thinks he wouldn’t be hard to talk to.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo squeezes Baekhyun’s hand once more. “You know Lu Han’s just trying to help.”

“I know,” Baekhyun smiles at her friend and takes a deep breath. Lu Han, as well as her other friends, always means well. She lifts up the name tag. “I guess I should give this to him then.”

Kyungsoo returns her smile. “Good luck.”

Baekhyun grips the name tag as she makes her way to the balcony. His name is Joonmyun. Kim Joonmyun. This shouldn’t be too hard, she thinks, and takes another deep breath as she slides the glass door open to step outside. He turns around at the sound and immediately smiles at her.

She holds up his name tag, a tentative smile on her face. “Just in case you forget to get it later,” she lamely explains the reason why she’s handing it to him personally. “Also,” she mentally thinks back to the list, “you’re staying in room seven and rooming with a Zhang Yixing. You may get your room key before the first session starts.”

“Thank you, uh,” Joonmyun slightly stammers. He softly laughs with uncertainty at not knowing what name to close with.

“Oh,” Baekhyun chuckles. “It’s Baekhyun.”

“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun repeats with a smile, pinning his name tag to his button up. He reaches up to shake her hand. “I’m Joonmyun. It’s nice to meet you. So do you do events like this often?” he asks as they let go. He leans back on the railing.

“Well, yeah,” Baekhyun says, choosing to face the view instead of the hall because she can see Lu Han’s triumphant smirk. “This is the first event I’m handling by myself in a while, though. It’s been hard to—“ She laughs nervously. “Let’s just say I’m out of practice.”

“I know exactly what you mean,” Joonmyun agrees with her, turning to face the sea as well, and somehow Baekhyun knows that Joonmyun feels the same way as she does. “Events like these are nice,” he continues with the conversation. “It’s so hard getting away sometimes.”

“The only way I get to _get away_ is for events like this, out of town events,” Baekhyun shares. “But it _is_ nice anyway. Even if it’s work, it’s different somehow when it’s somewhere farther away.”

“It seems we have something in common then,” Joonmyun says with a grin. Baekhyun raises her eyebrows in question. “We both can’t get away from work no matter where we go.”

Baekhyun laughs and it surprises her. It’s not a particularly good joke. It probably wasn’t even meant to be that funny, but it makes her laugh hard. This seems to surprise Joonmyun, but her laughter coaxes one out of him as well, and soon they’re both laughing hard about something that isn’t even that funny to begin with.

When the laughter is bled out of them, they look at each other and there’s a certain camaraderie there. Joonmyun smiles at her and Baekhyun smiles back without hesitation. It’s been so long since she’s laughed without reservation, much less with someone who’s practically a stranger. It’s a nice feeling and she’s suddenly grateful to Lu Han for pushing her to talk to Joonmyun.

Baekhyun glances at the glass door when someone knocks. It’s Zitao, gesturing that the other guests are arriving. She nods and turns to Joonmyun, who’s straightening up his clothes.

“The first session will start soon,” Baekhyun tells him even though he already knows this as they walk back in the hall. “You may get your room key and then choose any seat that’s comfortable for you.”

They reach the table at the back of the room. Kyungsoo hands Joonmyun his room key and Joonmyun signs beside his name for confirmation. Baekhyun is back to work mode and she scans the attendees that have already seated, counting the number in her head.

“Thank you,” Joonmyun suddenly speaks and she’s surprised that he’s still there, “for talking to me and making me laugh. I needed that.”

Baekhyun’s face warms, but she smiles. “I needed that, too,” she honestly tells him.

“I hope we get to talk again when you’re not busy with…” He gestures around vaguely. “I…it was just really nice talking to you. And I don’t mean that as a come on or—“ He cuts himself off, realizing that he’s talking too much. “Sorry. I’ll just go and sit.” He smiles awkwardly and finds himself a seat in the middle of the room.

“Well, that went better than I expected,” Lu Han sides up to her, arms crossed.

“He’s not bad looking,” Kyungsoo pipes in.

“He’s gorgeous,” Lu Han interjects. “Very handsome, if you ask me, and I wouldn’t even think twice to—.“

“Shut up you two,” Baekhyun hisses, cheeks pinking. “Go back to work.”

As the session starts, Baekhyun stands at the back and checks whether all the seats were filled, which would indicate if everyone who’s confirmed to attend is indeed present. When she’s done checking, her eyes automatically flit back to Joonmyun, who’s studiously writing in his notebook. She smiles, remembering their earlier conversation, and quietly excuses herself out of the room for a quick meeting with Sehun about the registration.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

It’s the middle of the afternoon and everyone’s out for a break in the dining hall. Baekhyun’s seated in front, reading through the material that was presented earlier that day. There are notes on planning and designing houses and skyscrapers. She looks through the notes of the speaker and marvels at the intricacies of building various structures from scratch.

“I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to pay to _attend_ the seminar,” a voice beside her says and she almost falls off her seat in alarm. Joonmyun laughs as he takes a seat beside her.

“Technically, I’m giving the seminar so I don’t even have to pay,” Baekhyun retorts with an eye roll, forcing her heartbeat to slow down. She closes the notes, returns it to the podium in front of the room and sits back down.

“ _Technically_ , the speaker is the one giving the seminar,” Joonmyun counters, a smile peeking at the edge of his lips. When Baekhyun merely rolls her eyes once more, he goes on, “Are you interested in this stuff?”

Baekhyun shrugs. “My dad was an architect,” she says. “I’ve always thought it was fascinating how the real thing looks exactly like the drawing, how everything goes according to plan.”

“Not everything goes according to plan, though,” Joonmyun gently corrects her. Baekhyun slightly frowns at this. “Most of the time, the real thing ends up being better.” He winks and Baekhyun laughs.

“How long have you been an architect?” Baekhyun asks, resting her chin on the palm of her hand.

“Five years,” Joonmyun answers thoughtfully. “I wasn’t always sure I’d be one, though.”

“How come?” Baekhyun asks then straightens up. “I mean… you don’t have to answer that. I don’t want to pry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Joonmyun assures her. He leans back on his seat, playing with the pen on the desk. “Family business. My father’s always wanted to have my brother and I running it eventually. But I really didn’t know anything about electronics and technology, except of course, for the occasional mobile phone or laptop that I’d buy.” He chuckles. “My father eventually let me get out of it.”

“So your brother’s running the business?” she presses. He nods. “Well, that’s good then. At least you got to do what you’ve always wanted to do.”

Joonmyun gives her a small smile. “So what about you? Have you always wanted to be in events?”

“Yes,” Baekhyun answers. “Events are normally happy occasions and I like how people come to one to have fun and let go or learn, as is evident for events like this.”

“So I take it you don’t do funerals and the like,” he teases.

“Not really, no,” she agrees, laughing a little. “If I were to choose another occupation, I think I’d choose to be an architect.” Baekhyun leans back on her seat and looks at the white board and all the drawings and calculations for a structure to be stable.

“Why an architect?” Joonmyun asks curiously.

“Aside from the beautiful structures, I like it when things go according to plan,” she answers openly. “In architecture, things have to be exact so that a building is stable and doesn’t crumble to the ground. It would be nice to have something like that.”

“You plan in events, too, and I’m pretty sure things turn out the way you want them to,” he reminds her. “What’s good about it, too, is you can change things along the way, even during the event.”

“Hmm but you can’t be sure with events,” Baekhyun tells him musingly. “There are so many things that can go wrong and, more often than not, there are things that do go wrong.”

“You seem very fond of planning and exactness,” Joonmyun observes. “It’s not always what it seems to be.”

“Yes, well, flexibility isn’t all that either,” Baekhyun tells him. She laughs because their conversation had suddenly turned so serious. “It would be really nice, too, to see something I’ve built right smack in the middle of the city.”

“I should tour you around the city then and show you the buildings I’ve built,” Joonmyun proudly offers and he laughs when Baekhyun scoffs.

“It might be true what they say about architects being just like doctors or lawyers,” Baekhyun jokes. “Too pompous because of their profession.”

“I am _not_ pompous,” Joonmyun heavily disagrees, an outraged look on his face that makes Baekhyun laugh. “I was merely saying that…” He sighs and shakes his head. “It’s no use. You already have this misconception of us architects embedded in you, it would be futile to even try and change it.”

Baekhyun bites her lip before blurting out, “It’s not futile.”

She knows that it appears that she means more with those words. And maybe she does. Baekhyun likes Joonmyun. It’s been a while since she’s met someone who’s made her laugh like he does, someone she hasn’t known almost all her life, someone who doesn’t know her like her current friends do. Not that she doesn’t appreciate her friends, nor is she saying that they don’t make her laugh. It’s just that she hasn’t met anyone recently who has the potential to be a good friend. She hopes it’s not wrong to want to get to know him better to see if they could actually be friends.

“I’m not saying that—” Baekhyun starts to explain her words.

“I’m glad,” Joonmyun interrupts her gently, a smile on his handsome face. “I don’t think it’s futile either.”

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun tiptoes out of her room, into the hallway, and to the garden. No one’s supposed to be out after 10pm, but she couldn’t sleep and figured she could at least think peacefully outside without Lu Han’s snoring in the background. She tightens her jacket around her as she finds a bench to sit on. As soon as she starts getting comfortable, she hears movement behind her, which sends her standing back up.

Joonmyun is laughing when she sees him walking towards her, hair unstyled against his forehead, wearing pajamas just like her. She almost wants to throw a rock at his face for scaring her. He takes a seat beside her, still shaking with quiet laughter. “You scare easily,” he says amusedly.

“It’s 10 o’clock at night,” she shushes him. “People aren’t supposed to be walking about.”

“I could say the same about you,” he chuckles.

“Well I’m the event organizer.” Baekhyun childishly pokes her tongue out at him.

“What are you even doing out?” he then asks, mirth still evident in his tone. “Couldn’t sleep?”

“Yeah,” she confirms. She lifts her feet up on the bench and tucks them under her. Baekhyun glances at Joonmyun, who has his arms crossed on his chest. “You?”

“I’m not used to sleeping so early,” he shares. “I normally come home after eleven and it’s only then that I eat dinner. I also work some more before I sleep so I’m normally in bed at around one or two in the morning.”

“And what time do you get up for work?” Baekhyun is somewhat dismayed at his sleeping habits. Sleeping is something that Baekhyun gets a bit worked up with because it’s something she struggles with. One really can’t sleep when she’s afraid of falling asleep and not being able to control what happens when she is. So when she meets people who have the opportunity to be able to sleep better than she does, it bothers her because she’s jealous that they have the luxury and aren’t able to use it.

“Around five,” Joonmyun answers with a smile. “I’m used to it. I like getting up early and coming home late. I like what I do,” he adds after a short pause.

Baekhyun sighs and relaxes into the seat. She rarely ever has quiet nights like this. When she gets home, she’s always on high alert because there’s always something that needs to be done. There’s always work to do, something to clean up, food to make, tabletops to clean, things to set up, which is why it’s really nice to get away.

“What’s on your mind?” Joonmyun breaks the silence.

“Nothing,” Baekhyun seems happy to say and it somewhat takes Joonmyun aback as she looks at him with some sort of peaceful smile. “Nothing for a change.”

“You really needed to get away, huh?” he says and sighs. “What I wouldn’t give for endless nights like this.”

They both stay quiet after that, just ending up enjoying the serenity of the evening, of having no worries.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

“Congratulations!” Lu Han squeezes Baekhyun into her arms as the attendees file out of the session hall, Sehun, Kyungsoo and Zitao getting the room keys from them and ushering them out into the lobby. “Another successful event!”

“I can finally breathe easy,” Baekhyun clings onto Lu Han, who laughs.

“I think you’ve been doing that just fine,” Lu Han teases her.

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asks, confused.

“I think she means Joonmyun,” Sehun interrupts their conversation, glancing towards the doorway, where Joonmyun is waiting. “He asked to speak to you for a bit before he leaves.”

“Oh?” Baekhyun is curious as to why Joonmyun wants to speak to her as she steps out into the lobby. “Is everything okay?” she asks him. “Do you have comments or suggestions with regards to the seminar?”

“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun laughs. “This isn’t about that. I was just hoping that we can get together when we’re back in the city and maybe I can show you those buildings,” he reminds her cheekily.

Baekhyun opens her mouth to answer when her mobile phone vibrates in her pocket. She fishes it out to check the message and immediately pockets it when she’s seen whom it’s from. She looks up at Joonmyun, at his expectant face and takes a small step back. She wants to be friends with Joonmyun, she really does, but she doesn’t think they can be.

“I’m not sure when I can—“ she starts to make up an excuse when Joonmyun cuts her off.

“Here’s my card,” he presses it into her palm. Baekhyun looks at it. It’s fancy and speaks so much of the kind of architect and, possibly, the kind of man Joonmyun is. _Kim Joonmyun. Choi & Associates. _“Like what I’ve said before, I like talking to you. So I’m giving you my number and, if you ever want to meet up to talk or anything, you may call me.” He shakes her hand. “It was really nice to meet you, Baekhyun.”

“It was nice to meet you, too,” Baekhyun faintly returns before Joonmyun is on his way.

She walks by the entrance and watches as Joonmyun gets into his black Mercedes Benz, with Zhang Yixing in the passenger seat, and drives away. The card in her hand is heavy; heavy with certain things she’s never even had the audacity to entertain before.

“Baekhyun,” she turns around at Sehun’s voice. “There’s a call for you inside. You weren’t answering your phone…” There’s a hesitance in her tone that immediately tells Baekhyun who’s on the other line.

Baekhyun pats the taller female’s cheek in assurance as she heads back into the room. As she presses the phone to her ear, she crumples Joonmyun’s card and puts it in her pocket.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun doesn’t call Joonmyun. In fact, she’s been so busy with so many things that she doesn’t even think about Joonmyun at all in the three weeks that she’s been back from the seminar. She’s just been assigned to another event following the success of the recent one and she’s elated because it gives her a chance to further prove herself. Aside from that, there is much to do at home that she’s already wondering how she can manage both that and her new project.

“Baekhyun! I’m home!”

Baekhyun immediately drops what she’s doing in the kitchen, making sure to turn off the stoves, and hurries to the living room, where Kris is dumping his bag and jacket onto the couch. She instantly takes it, putting the jacket in the coat closet by the door and putting his bag on the table.

“Hi! How was your day?” Baekhyun steps up and stands on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek. When she starts moving away, Kris grabs her neck and kisses her properly on the lips. She whimpers in surprise but kisses him back, placing her hands on his shoulders.

“That’s a proper kiss,” Kris tells her, a small smile on his face, and Baekhyun blushes. He takes a seat on the sofa, pulling Baekhyun down to sit beside him. “Long day,” he groans, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. “We had an operation that ran for almost five hours. My hands are stiff.”

Baekhyun takes his left hand and starts massaging it. “Maybe you should cut back on your hours so you can have more rest—“ she begins.

“How many times do I have to tell you that I can’t do that?” Kris snaps, swiping his hand away, and he immediately softens when Baekhyun’s eyes widen. He sighs and wraps an arm around her, making her snuggle to him. “Sorry,” he whispers, kissing her head. “I’m just tired. How was your day?”

Baekhyun tries to breathe calmly, closing her eyes, as she rests her head more snugly on Kris’s shoulder. It’s been a while since she and Kris have spent time like this, just in each other’s arms, quiet and serene. Ever since she’s gotten back from the seminar, Kris had seemed so much sweeter to her, something she’s quite unused to.

“It was okay,” she tells him, taking his hand and massaging it again. “We’re ironing out the details for our next event.”

“What next event?” Kris drowsily asks, absently rubbing his hand up and down Baekhyun’s arm, his wedding band glinting in the light.

“The one in Jeju Island,” Baekhyun reminds him quietly. “Chanyeol asked us to be her wedding planners. It’s a weeklong event and—“ She stops talking when Kris’s arm tightens noticeably around her. She chuckles weakly. “Well, we don’t have to talk about that.” She shifts in her position on the couch. “Maybe we should get you to bed,” she softly urges him.

Kris allows Baekhyun to pull him off the couch and bring him to bed. As Kris lies there, Baekhyun silently removes Kris’s clothing so that he’ll be more comfortable in his sleep. It’s been a while since Kris has been home this early for Baekhyun to be able to take care of him like this. He normally comes home in ungodly hours, when she’s already asleep, and he fails to clean up properly before sliding up next to her. She tucks him under the sheets when he’s left in his boxers and presses a kiss to his forehead before turning to leave. There’s still dinner to cook and she knows he’ll want to eat if he wakes up.

As she turns to leave, Kris’s hand shoots out and grabs her wrist. She’s hardly able to protest before he’s pulled her on top of him. He looks at her, eyes surprisingly tender as he brushes her hair away from her face. There’s something in those eyes that Baekhyun’s never seen before so she kisses him instantly the moment he pulls her face down to his. It starts out slow, even sweet, them tasting each other’s lips, each other’s tongues in a way they’d almost forgotten how. But Baekhyun knows that’s where the sweetness and gentleness will end. Soon, he’s pushing her onto her back and his large hands are roaming all over her.

Baekhyun tries not to stiffen so conspicuously when Kris’s hands push down her underwear and squeezes her eyes shut as she prepares for his fingers to enter her. But then his hands are on her face and he’s pressing a kiss to each of her eyes in an uncharacteristic display of affection.

“You’re so tense,” he whispers to her when her eyes fly open in surprise. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” is her immediate answer. It is a startled one. But it is honest.

He leans down to kiss her again, even slower, even gentler, even more loving. And Baekhyun knows this is something weird for her to feel because Kris is her husband, but it is something new. _This_ is something new. She and Kris have been married for quite some time now but it’s been so long ago since Kris touched her like he is afraid she is going to break. He never really seemed to care if she did before.

After an amazingly dizzying round of kissing, Baekhyun is all worked up and now she just wants Kris to touch her. He seems to sense this so he trails his kisses down to her cheek to her jaw line to her neck. His touches flitter down to the length of her torso, leaving fleeting touches that made her skin burn and yearn for more.

Daringly, she grabs both his hands and presses one to her breast and the other to the ache between her legs. He groans into their kisses, her wet warmth inviting. Kris’s fingers are long and fairly thick and, while three of them in her makes her shake with want, they are not enough.

She pulls away and makes him look at her. “I want…” she breathes stutteringly.

“What do you want?” Kris’s voice is rough with desire, something she hasn’t heard from him in a long time, something that makes Baekhyun want to do more than they usually do.

And because he knows that Baekhyun isn’t going to finish her sentence, he finishes it for her instead by showing her that he intends to make love to her.

“Kris,” she breathes desperately as he slowly enters her. He looks at her and there’s that glint in his eyes that remind her of their honeymoon, of happier days, when he’d been just as gentle. “I love you,” she tries. She tries because she was never one to give up on things, especially ones she holds most dear to her heart. She tries because Kris is her first love. She tries because she hopes that, maybe, he will continue trying for her, too, as he seems to be doing at the moment.

His eyes merely flick towards her when she says it. But he just enters her in one swift motion and she forgets she ever said it.

Later on, she wonders if he did it just to do exactly that.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun has known Kris since middle school. They sat beside each other in class, lent each other pencils and erasers and copied each other’s homework, as well as woke each other up before the teacher could catch them snoozing. It was the ideal kind of friendship, as ideal as it could be between a boy and a girl. Kris has always been tall, even back then, while Baekhyun was tiny and so it had been automatic for Kris to assume responsibility as her protector. He made sure that no one even so much as touched a hair of Baekhyun if he felt they were going to hurt her or even just make fun of her. He walked her to her classes, to vocal practice and even walked her home, even if he had to sprint back to school for basketball practice. He insisted on doing this even when they reached high school, when she told him she didn’t need a bodyguard, but he did it anyway, making her roll her eyes.

She didn’t hate it, not really. She liked how Kris was around all the time. She liked how he was just one phone call away and he’d rush to her side to help her out with anything, mostly homework and shopping. She liked how she could rely on him and make her feel like she was never going to be alone.

She still clearly remembers that time during senior year when her boyfriend had unceremoniously dumped her in front of their friends after the basketball championship game. Still in shock at the turn of events (she thought their relationship was doing just fine), she’d dialed Kris’s number and told him, rather calmly, about what had happened. He managed to find her through the crowd in less than 10 minutes and, despite being high from their win, he took her home. They watched her favorite romantic comedies, ate ice cream and cuddled on the couch.

And there was one moment, one really cliché moment, when they looked at each other and, somehow, things were just different.

That was the first time they kissed.

The rest, as they say, is history. They were barely graduated from college when they got married through a judge. It was a small ceremony and Kris had whisked her away to Japan for a weekend for their honeymoon.

“Are you okay?”

Baekhyun jumps at the touch on her arm. She drops her hands to her lap, realizing that she’s been playing with her wedding ring, and looks up and sees Zitao, recovering with a smile. “Hey, of course,” she answers too hurriedly. Turning her attention back to the supplier directory in front of her, she grabs her phone and starts inputting a number.

Zitao stands there, watching Baekhyun, looking like he wants to say something comforting or maybe a comment about Kris and her relationship with him. It’s something that she’s continuously gotten from Zitao, as well as some of her other friends. Everyone always tells her that she deserves better, that she doesn’t have to stay with Kris, that she doesn’t have to put herself through this. But the thing is, she and Kris have been together for so long that she doesn’t really know what it’s like to be without him. Besides, Kris isn’t that bad. He still picks her up from work when his schedule permits it; he calls her to check on her once in a while. Maybe their relationship has changed a lot in the past couple of years, but that’s how relationships are anyway. They change, they evolve. One can’t really hold on to how things were. It’s pointless.

“This event will be good for you,” Zitao finally speaks, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder before walking away.

Baekhyun is looking forward to the event in Jeju Island as she’s been looking forward for another getaway ever since that weekend in Incheon. This time it’ll be a whole week and she finds herself excited because she hasn’t been to Jeju in years and she thinks it would be nice to spend it with friends even if they’re all going to be working.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

“It looks amazing, guys!” Chanyeol claps her hands together and presses it to her pearled chest.

They’re standing in the middle of what looks like an Eden. There are garlands of lights hanging on the trees, looking like tiny fairies lighting the way, with flowers on the path. There’s the sound of water running from the fountains that they’d set up around the place. There’s even soft, romantic music floating about.

Chanyeol herself looks like she belongs there, with her flowing white dress and baby’s breath in her hair.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” Baekhyun raises an eyebrow at her, while Lu Han stifles a laugh behind her hand. “I mean, we can manage here and we don’t want you risking running into Jongin. I know it’s bad luck.”

Chanyeol merely rolls her eyes. “Jongin and I have been sneaking out to see each other since this morning,” she shares, giggling. “We’re legally married anyway.” She wiggles her finger at Baekhyun and Lu Han where a simple wedding band was securely nestled.

“Why the big wedding then?” Baekhyun asks.

“Because Jongin wants it,” Chanyeol answers simply. Baekhyun looks astonished because she would think that it would be the girl who would want a big wedding. “You know I don’t care for big displays of affection,” she tells her when she sees her surprise. “But Jongin feels like he should do this for me, to show me how proud he is of me and our relationship.” She rolls her eyes but Baekhyun can tell that it pleases her.

“Must be nice,” Baekhyun comments, turning to her left and watching Kyungsoo direct Minseok and Zitao to fix the décor on one of the pillars.

Chanyeol playfully nudges her. “What are you talking about? Your wedding was really special and romantic. It was exactly how you guys wanted it.” She pauses when she notices Baekhyun avoiding Lu Han’s gaze. “Things are better now, right?”

Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Lu Han have studied in the same school since they were kids and both Chanyeol and Lu Han have both witnessed Baekhyun and Kris’s love story. They were both fans because who doesn’t like the best friends turned boyfriends and girlfriends story? However, they’ve also witnessed how the relationship turned sour. But Chanyeol’s been busy with work and Jongin and getting married that she barely knows how things are anymore.

“They’re fine,” Baekhyun assures her before Lu Han can say anything.

Chanyeol puts an arm around Baekhyun. “Everything will be fine,” she declares resolutely. “Kris loves you and you love him. That’s what matters, right?”

“You don’t go around hurting someone you love, though, don’t you?” Lu Han snaps, unable to control herself any longer. “Baekhyun, we have to talk about this sooner or later,” she insists when Baekhyun frowns at her. “You can’t keep on doing this. You _have to_ leave him.”

“She can’t leave him!” Chanyeol looks appalled. “She’s his wife. They’re _bound_ to be together for life, through thick and thin.”

“Not when your husband keeps on—“ Lu Han starts.

“Guys, let’s not do this here,” Baekhyun interrupts, rubbing a hand on her forehead. _Or ever_. “It’s Chanyeol’s wedding,” she reminds Lu Han, who sobers up. “This is a happy event.”

Chanyeol hugs them both, hugging Baekhyun longer. “I love you two,” she sincerely says. “Thank you for doing this for me.” And then she’s off back to the main cottage to get ready for the ceremony.

Baekhyun just stands there, Lu Han’s words going through her head. This has been a constant debate between them. Lu Han keeps on telling Baekhyun that it wouldn’t be wrong for her to leave Kris because of how things are between them. But Baekhyun just can’t find it in herself to justify it. She had vowed to be with Kris forever, no matter what.

“You do know that Chanyeol is also Kris’s best friend, right?” Baekhyun suddenly speaks up, still watching Kyungsoo check the place and not looking at Lu Han.

“I don’t care,” Lu Han stubbornly maintains. “Maybe it’s better that she knows so that Kris will know how badly he’s been treating you.”

“It’s not that bad,” Baekhyun defends Kris. She thinks back to how Kris has been so much sweeter when she came back from Incheon. There may be hope yet.

“Baek, I can’t believe you’re defending—“

“The guests are starting to arrive,” Minseok, looking warily from one girl to the other, arrives and interrupts their heated discussion.

Lu Han glares at Baekhyun before stalking off to receive the guests. Baekhyun sighs as she follows after her. There is definitely going to be a continuation later on.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

It’s the middle of the wedding reception. The guests are drunk with happiness and wine. There’s dancing and everyone can only sigh with joy at the sight of the bride and groom having fun during their first dance. Baekhyun is very pleased that the event has gone on without a hitch. Not even one flower arrangement has fallen off; none of the bridesmaids has even tripped on the red carpet.

Sehun sides up to her and hands her a headset which they use to communicate while such events are going on.

“Lu Han says that you should take care of the best man speech for tonight,” she tells her.

“What?” Baekhyun asks in slight panic because Lu Han has always been in charge of guiding everyone who makes speeches during wedding receptions. She looks about the room, searching for Lu Han, and finding her talking to Minseok by the buffet table. “Did she give you a good reason why?” she grumbles, taking the headset and fitting it to her head.

Sehun merely shrugs. “She just said you’d want to,” comes her explanation. “I’m going to—“ The best man stands up and announces his speech by lightly hitting his fork to his wine glass. “—hey, isn’t that…?”

Baekhyun looks up in time to see Joonmyun, handsome in his dark suit, bowtie perfectly tied under his collar, stand up and smile.

“Oh, he’s the best man?” Sehun chokes out a laugh, realizing why Lu Han shoved speech duties to Baekhyun.

“I…” Baekhyun glances at the guest list in the folder she’s been carrying and, sure enough, a _Kim Joonmyun_ is listed on it. She wonders why she didn’t contemplate earlier that it was _this_ Kim Joonmyun. Sehun nudges her to speak to her headset. She clears her throat. “Can you hear me?” she asks, pressing the microphone close to her lips.

She watches as Joonmyun pauses and glances around the room as if looking for someone. Looking for her. Baekhyun makes sure to avert her eyes as she guides him through his speech. Her heart somewhat stutters in its beating every time she hears Joonmyun’s voice in her ear when she hasn’t really thought about him that much.

That’s what she tells herself anyway. Baekhyun had thrown his business card away because just the thought of calling him and meeting up with him to continue the wonderful conversations they had during the seminar had sent warning bells in her head. So she’d put herself out of danger and threw it out. It made her feel less guilty when it wasn’t in her possession anymore. Although, somehow, it also made her feel sad. Joonmyun made her laugh.

When the best man’s speech is over and everyone’s toasting, she takes the headset off and slips out of the room. But she hasn’t even taken a couple of steps away from the ballroom when there’s a hand grabbing her arm.

“I knew it was you.” Joonmyun’s hand is warm on her skin and there’s a reddish tint to his cheeks, probably from the wine. Baekhyun can’t help but think how handsome he is. “The moment you talked, I knew.”

Baekhyun only laughs in response, rather awkwardly. “Hi.”

“You never called,” Joonmyun continues, as if it isn’t obvious that Baekhyun doesn’t look discomfited about the whole conversation. “I mean…” He laughs nervously. “I waited. I really wanted to show you around and—“

“I’m married, Joonmyun,” Baekhyun interrupts him. It isn’t what she means to say but she thinks they’re the right words because it’s clear that she’s attracted to him. She wouldn’t be so worried or wouldn’t make such an effort to throw his contact details away if she isn’t. “I know that doesn’t matter because—“

“Papa!” A little boy runs up to Joonmyun and clings to his right leg.

Joonmyun crouches down at once and smiles at the child. “Hey buddy,” he greets him with a kiss on the cheek. “Where’s mama?” The little boy points at a vague direction behind him. “Okay, that’s good. Go to mama, okay? Papa will be right behind you to see you off.” He straightens up and watches his child run back to where he came from. He turns around and sees Baekhyun’s expression.

“They’re going back to Seoul tonight,” Joonmyun says uncomfortably.

“You’re—“ Baekhyun attempts to form the words in her head, but she decides it’s not important. Joonmyun is a father. Joonmyun is married. She glances down at his hand and wonders why she’s never seen his ring before. All of a sudden she feels stupid. How can she be attracted to a married man? Especially when she’s married herself. The decision suddenly seems so clear, as it should have been right from the start. She smiles politely at Joonmyun. “It _was_ really nice to meet you, Joonmyun,” she tells him before walking away.

“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun tries to call her back, but not once does Baekhyun falter in her steps.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 Baekhyun decides to keep out of the wedding events for the rest of the week. She tells Lu Han and Kyungsoo that it’s best if they handle things from here on out, that it would serve as practice for them. She’s relieved that they agree without question, even though Lu Han gives her a suspicious look.  
  
It’s after dinner and everyone’s going back to his or her respective rooms to freshen up. But Baekhyun isn’t up for sleeping yet.  
  
“Where are you going?” Minseok asks her as she lifts the skirt of her simple floor-length dress to go to the opposite direction of the cottages.  
  
“I’m going to go for a walk,” Baekhyun tells him with a smile.  
  
“Do you need company?” Zitao immediately asks, but Baekhyun shakes her head.  
  
“I’ll be fine,” Baekhyun says. “Tell Lu Han I’ll be back shortly.”  
  
She makes her way to the beach, barefooted. Her gray dress is getting stained with sand but she doesn’t even care. It’s been a while since she’s gone to the beach. One of the reasons why she accepted Chanyeol’s request to plan her wedding week for her, aside from being her friend, is because she’s holding it at the beach.  
  
Kris had taken her to one of the beaches in Japan on their honeymoon. She remembers how they ran around and threw sand and splashed salt water at each other. Her husband had even carried her over his shoulder as he waded into the deeper parts of the sea. She had shrieked and slapped his arm to no avail. Eventually, he straightened her up, his arms secure around her. He’d told her then that, no matter what, he is always going to protect her, that he’s always going to love her the way he does.  
  
Baekhyun wonders what happened along the way. Kris had never been the violent type. But somewhere along the way he became one. There were days when Kris would come home drunk. He’d yell for her and then force himself on her right there in the living room. His kisses would be rough and bruising. Sometimes he never even kissed her and just ripped her clothes off. It always baffles her what could have happened that changed him so drastically. What happened to the man she fell in love with? What happened to the man who swore, even when they were still friends, that he would take care of her?  
  
She doesn’t know how things have changed so fast, she doesn’t know who they are as a couple anymore. She doesn’t even know who she is when she’s with Kris. It seems so long ago when she’d told him that she loves him, even longer when he’s said it to her. When she thinks about Kris, all she can feel is fear and betrayal.  
  
Contrary to what Lu Han and her other friends may think, she _has_ thought about leaving Kris. How could she not when it’s clear that their relationship is far from healthy? Before Lu Han had ever brought it up, Baekhyun had talked to her sister about it. She’d asked and cried about what she could do to fix things. The only thing she remembers Taeyeon saying is that she made a promise to stay with Kris for all of her life. That’s a promise she’s going to have to live with.  
  
The wind is cold by the seaside as the sun sets on the horizon and she shivers. Her life is so cold. Baekhyun can’t even find warmth in her marriage; from the person she thought she could count on forever. She looks out ahead and watches as the waves crash into the beach.   
  
She’s startled when she sees movement ahead. There’s someone walking by the beach just like her, someone wearing a dark suit, the pants folded up to his knees. It’s looks strangely like… Before she can even turn away, he’s already seen her and is making his way towards her.  
  
“Baekhyun, please just hear me out,” Joonmyun almost begs.  
  
Baekhyun takes a deep breath, crossing her arms on her chest. She really shouldn’t but Joonmyun looks so earnest. “Fine.”  
  
“I didn’t mean anything by wanting you to call me and inviting you out to eat,” Joonmyun explains. “Not because I didn’t think you’re attractive,” he immediately adds when Baekhyun’s cheeks pink, “because I think you’re beautiful and—“ He clears his throat when Baekhyun blushes even more. “Just…I wanted to be your friend. I _want_ to be your friend.”  
  
“I’m married,” Baekhyun points out, cheeks feeling warm. “ _You’re_ married.” She knows there’s nothing wrong with being friends with other people of the opposite sex who are married, but it just feels wrong between them somehow. Especially when it’s clear that the attraction isn’t one-sided.  
  
“I know that,” he evenly states, swallowing heavily, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in his throat. “But I…I’m not going to lie to you. I liked talking to you and it’s been so long since simple conversations made me happy like that. I’m being selfish but I want to keep on having them.”  
  
“I don’t know, Joonmyun,” she hesitates. There’s no denying that she enjoyed her conversations with Joonmyun, just how much it lifted her spirits up, how much they made her smile. But still.  
  
“There’s nothing wrong with being friends, Baekhyun,” he insists. “I just want to keep talking to you.”  
  
She thinks of Kris and how they never really see much of each other, much less _talk_ , and then she looks at Joonmyun, who seems so eager to do just that with her. And this is a really bad idea, she can just _feel_ it, but…  
  
“Okay,” Baekhyun softly answers. She takes a deep breath. “Friends.”  
  
The way Joonmyun smiles, one would think he’s won the lottery. Baekhyun’s heart stutters in her chest.  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
It is easier after they’ve talked. Baekhyun finds that, now that they’re clear about the facts that they’re both taken in the strictest sense of the word, it’s more comfortable to be around Joonmyun. It’s just like how they were when they first met, fun and relaxed. The things they talked about ranged to anything under the sun, although they avoided talking about the more serious things, like their respective relationships.  
  
Baekhyun is laughing at some lame joke that Joonmyun just shared with her when the groom joins them on the table. The grand lunch event, with everyone wearing pretty white cocktail attire, has just finished and everyone’s off to their respective friends or walking by the pool to keep the food down. Chanyeol is off somewhere with Lu Han, while Kyungsoo is making sure that the leftover food is packed properly by the kitchen staff.  
  
“Who is this?” Jongin asks Joonmyun, gracefully sliding into one of the many empty seats beside Baekhyun. “Is this Baekhyun?”  
  
“Nice to meet you again, Jongin,” Baekhyun says, shaking her head, laughter in her voice.  
  
“Oh, you’re Byun Baekhyun,” Jongin says, recognition in his eyes. “You’re one of Chanyeol’s friends from school.”  
  
“That’s right,” Baekhyun agrees with a chuckle.  
  
“So how do you two know each other?” Jongin asks interestedly, glancing at Joonmyun then back at her.  
  
“We met during the architectural seminar I attended in Incheon early last month,” Joonmyun shares. “They organized it.” He nods towards Baekhyun.  
  
“You do events well. It’s been really wonderful, Baekhyun,” Jongin says, referring to the weeklong celebration. “I don’t think I can thank you enough. It’s made Chanyeol very happy.”  
  
“We’re only in charge of the execution,” Baekhyun tells him humbly. “This was all your idea. But I’m glad that you guys are enjoying it.”  
  
“The food is amazing,” Joonmyun agrees.  
  
Baekhyun laughs, turning to him. “Is that why there’s a shrimp stain on your shirt?”  
  
“Hey, you flicked that shrimp on me,” Joonmyun complains, frowning as he looks at the mess on his supposedly pristine outfit.  
  
Jongin watches them in amusement for a bit before continuing on with the conversation. “It’s too bad that your husband isn’t here,” he says, ignoring the way Baekhyun stiffens. “Kris is Chanyeol’s best friend after all.”  
  
“Yeah,” Baekhyun says, smiling a little. “His hours are impossible. He always gets called in to the hospital, even during the wee hours of the morning.”  
  
“That’s too bad,” Jongin shrugs. He gives Joonmyun, who avoids his eyes, a pointed look. “Well then,” he says warmly, moving to get up. “I’m glad you’re here and that you made our wedding unforgettable.”  
  
When Jongin is gone, Baekhyun laughs to herself, shaking her head.  
  
“What?” Joonmyun asks curiously.  
  
“I am so amazed that, out of all people, you turn out to be Jongin’s best man,” Baekhyun voices out something that’s been on her mind since the day of the actual wedding. “I mean, I wasn’t expecting to see you again and—“ Her eyes widen when she realizes what she said and warily looks at Joonmyun.  
  
“So you really weren’t planning on calling,” Joonmyun says, nodding slowly. “I see. And after I did that whole _I like talking to you_ speech.” He shakes his head as if it is such a travesty. It ends up making Baekhyun laugh.  
  
“You’re so silly.” She playfully pushes him.  
  
“So this is nice, isn’t it?” he asks, looking at her with a small smile on his face. Something in his eyes makes Baekhyun feel warm right from her head to the tips of her toes. “Being friends?”  
  
“It is,” she agrees, taking the table napkin from her lap and putting it on the table. “But, for now, I have to go back to work. I think Kyungsoo’s about to slap Zitao for messing up one of the flower arrangements.” She stands up.  
  
“Listen,” Joonmyun suddenly says, standing up as well. “There are some things I’ve been meaning to buy in town. I was thinking I’d go tomorrow afternoon.” He pauses slightly. “Do you want to come with me?” he asks, glancing around. “I mean, we can’t stay in this resort for all of our stay here.”  
  
“Sure,” Baekhyun agrees without even thinking twice about it. “I’ve been wanting to check out the bookstore we passed by in coming here.” She smiles at him.  
  
Joonmyun smiles brightly. “See you out front at around four then?”  
  
“Yeah, see you,” Baekhyun waves at him as she rushes towards Kyungsoo, whose hands are in fists, seemingly ready to attack Zitao.  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekhyun has parked herself into one of the cozy couches in the quaint bookstore in one of the busier streets in the town of Jeju. After she and Joonmyun had reached town, they’d separated, Joonmyun telling her to go to the bookstore while he bought some stuff for himself. She’s been reading one of the poetry books she saw, finding it calming in the midst of the busy week that she’s having. It’s good that she has Lu Han and Kyungsoo by her side, as well as the rest of the team. If they weren’t around, she would have probably lost her mind already.  
  
Turning a page, she chances upon sonnet 116.  
  
 _Let me not to the marriage of true minds_  
 _Admit impediments. Love is not love_  
 _Which alters when it alternation finds,_  
 _Or bends with the remover to remove;_  
 _O no! It is an ever-fixed mark_  
  
She shuts the books and breathes deeply. Guilt seeps up in her at the words.  
  
“Everything okay?” Joonmyun asks, arriving and taking a seat beside her. She merely smiles as he takes the book in her hand. “Poetry, huh?” He opens a random page, skims it for a bit before turning the page over, and begins reciting.  
  
 _And you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.*_  
  
There is something romantic about a man, especially a handsome one, saying poetry, no matter what the context. Baekhyun’s heart is pounding as he caresses the words, words that seem to ring true, with his tongue and she clenches her fists on her lap, forcing herself not to be affected. They’re friends. _Friends._  
  
When Joonmyun finishes, he looks up at Baekhyun. There’s a look in her eyes that’s a mix of exasperation and something that Joonmyun doesn’t want to name. He turns away and slowly closes the book, staring at the cover. He opens his mouth to say something, but Baekhyun beats him to speaking.  
  
“I think I’m hungry,” she says. She takes the book from him and returns it to the shelf where she found it. “Come,” she invites him. “There’s this cute coffee shop across the street.”  
  
Baekhyun grins at him as they walk out of the coffee shop. She hopes Joonmyun doesn’t notice her hands trembling.  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
“Where did you go?” Kyungsoo asks when Baekhyun enters the room she shares with Lu Han and Kyungsoo. She’s on her bed, rifling through some magazines.  
  
“Town,” Baekhyun tells her, plopping down on her bed with her purchases. She doesn’t bother unpacking them, choosing to lie down instead. Her hair falls on her face and she brushes it away, heaving a long sigh.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Kyungsoo asks, concern evident in her voice.  
  
Baekhyun considers confiding in Kyungsoo, considers telling her about Joonmyun, about how they seem to click so easily, about what they’d talked about. But telling Kyungsoo would mean admitting, even to some small extent, that there are feelings she’s trying to fight. And admitting that would be wrong. Because they’re wrong.  
  
“Nothing,” Baekhyun sighs. “Where’s Lu Han?”  
  
“Out on the pool with Minseok,” Kyungsoo says. The smile in her voice makes Baekhyun sit up and look at her questioningly.  
  
“What?” Baekhyun asks. Kyungsoo giggles. “Is there something going on?”  
  
“I guess you wouldn’t notice since you’ve been hanging out with Joonmyun a lot,” Kyungsoo chuckles and Baekhyun cringes, “but they’ve been spending a lot of time with each other. I think they like each other.”  
  
Baekhyun rolls her eyes. They’re not teenagers and the way Kyungsoo puts it makes it seem like they’re in middle school.  
  
“I wonder if she’s already taken him to bed,” Baekhyun muses. They’re at that age where they aren’t unnecessarily chaste, but Lu Han’s not one to hold back on such things, especially when she’s very attracted to a guy.   
  
“She hasn’t,” Kyungsoo answers surely. Baekhyun’s eyes widen as she looks at her. “Lu Han really likes him, I think, and she doesn’t want to mess it up by having sex.”  
  
“That’s nice,” Baekhyun comments, smiling as she lies back down. They say that a person changes his or her _player_ ways when they meet the game-changer. Minseok just might be that for Lu Han.  
  
Kyungsoo is quiet for a second and Baekhyun just knows she’s going to say something. She closes her eyes when she does.  
  
“Baek,” Kyungsoo starts, voice soft. “I know it’s none of my business and I’m not saying that there’s something going on, but you’ve been with Joonmyun the whole time we’ve been here and I just… you’ll be careful, won’t you?”  
  
Baekhyun turns to her side to face Kyungsoo. “We’re both married, Soo,” she tells him with a soft, probably unconvincing smile on her face.  
  
Kyungsoo nods. “I know,” she responds. And there’s a _but_ there somewhere, a _but_ that she’s never really talked about to Kyungsoo, but is very clear with how she never really talks about Kris. However, Kyungsoo isn’t really one to pry so she merely turns back to her magazines.  
  
Kyungsoo’s concern bothers her. If, even at this point, she notices that something’s up, Baekhyun thinks that’s a cause for disquiet. She takes a deep breath and squeezes her eyes shut. It’s a good thing that they’re going home tomorrow. It would be good to have some distance between them.  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekhyun comes home one evening, a couple of days after their Jeju event, to a fully prepared dinner. She drops her bags on the floor, placing her keys on the hook by the door, and pads to the dining table. There’s fried rice, Kimchi jiggae, Kimbap, pajeon, with two kinds of cut meat. The last time they’d had this grand of a dinner at home, since they never really had dinner together anymore anyway, was during their second anniversary. Kris had attempted to cook for them, which he miserably failed (the food ended up mostly on their clothes), and she had to take over.  
  
Arms suddenly wrap around her waist, a face nuzzling her neck.  
  
“Hi,” Kris whispers, pressing a light kiss to her cheek.  
  
“Hi,” Baekhyun returns, laughing a little. “What’s this?”  
  
“Just a little something,” he tells her, turning her around to face him. “What do you think?”  
  
“It depends,” she teases. “Am I going to get poisoned after a bite?” He pouts, which is so unlike him, so she laughs and stands on tiptoe to kiss him. “I love it.”  
  
Each kiss that Kris gives her these days leaves her breathless. It never fails to amaze her, but it’s a good kind of surprise. She really likes kissing and the way her husband kisses her these days throws her back to those days when each kiss made her skin tingle.  
  
“So who made these?” she asks, pulling away with a grin on her face. “Really.”  
  
“Chanyeol,” Kris admits. “Just figured it would be nice to have dinner together for a change.”  
  
“That’s right,” she says, moving to take her seat as Kris takes the seat beside hers. “You don’t have to be at the hospital?”  
  
“I have to go back after this,” he says, sounding apologetic.  
  
Baekhyun reaches for his hand and squeezes it. “Thank you for coming home to have dinner with me,” she earnestly tells him.  
  
He stands up and hovers over her, tilting her chin up so he can kiss her properly. “I figured I have to do something to make the fact that you come home to me worth it,” Kris whispers through her lips.  
  
Such an answer makes Baekhyun’s brows furrow somewhat, but she shrugs it aside and smiles at her husband.  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
“Someone’s happy,” Lu Han comments with raised eyebrows as Baekhyun enters the office after ending her phone call with Kris.  
  
“Kris just told me that we’re going out tonight,” Baekhyun shares excitedly. Kyungsoo looks at her enthusiasm and smiles. “He said he prepared something special for me.”  
  
“He seems to have a lot of time for you these days,” Lu Han remarks.  
  
“Leave it alone, Han,” Kyungsoo says, nudging Lu Han. She smiles at Baekhyun again. “That’s really nice, Baek.”  
  
“I’m just saying,” Lu Han maintains. “It’s all very…” She wiggles her fingers and Baekhyun gets just what she means.  
  
If there’s a word that Baekhyun can describe how Kris has been for the past few years of their marriage, it’s _unavailable_. And she means that in every sense of the word. He’s been physically, mentally, and emotionally absent. He became too busy, too involved with his profession as a doctor after they got married and Baekhyun barely got to see him, except in the rare occasions that he did come home early. But, even so, all they did was make love. Or rather, he had sex with her. So now that he’s around all the time, Baekhyun understands Lu Han’s cause for skepticism. She has her doubts, too, but she figures she should just enjoy this. Because this is infinitely better than those days when she felt fear even with just the presence of Kris’s shadow.  
  
“We’re both trying to make things work,” Baekhyun pointedly looks at Lu Han, who merely rolls her eyes dismissively.  
  
“No, _you’ve_ been trying,” Lu Han interjects. “He’s trying to catch up. Seriously, Baek, he has to do more than make you dinner and take you to fancy places to make up for all those—“  
  
“As long as he’s trying,” Kyungsoo interrupts. “That’s what’s important, right?”  
  
Lu Han sighs and faces her desk. “You two are too hopeful for your own good,” she mutters.  
  
“What about you and Minseok then?” Baekhyun asks, lowering her voice a bit in case Minseok was around somewhere.  
  
Lu Han swivels around so fast that her hair flies around. “What are you talking about? Did he say something?” she asks in some sort of panic.  
  
“Look at you all nervous over some boy,” Baekhyun laughs. “I don’t think I’ve seen you like this before.”  
  
“Shut up.” Lu Han makes a face at her before muttering, “he’s not just some boy.”  
  
Baekhyun laughs some more at the blush on Lu Han’s cheeks. It’s so interesting to see her fall head-over-heels for a boy when the last time that had happened was so long ago. She had gotten hurt and had vowed off romance and falling in love, especially marriage. It’s really nice to see how certain things change when you find that something special that everyone is searching for even if they don’t admit it.  
  
When Baekhyun and Kris became a couple before their senior year in high school ended, she told herself that she had found that special person in her life, that the unknowing search was over, that she can finally rest easy and settle down. Of course Baekhyun didn’t know then if she and Kris would even end up together. But there was that _feeling_ and she had hoped that they would.  
  
Baekhyun’s brought out of her musings when the phone on her desk starts ringing.  
  
“Byun Baekhyun speaking,” she answers professionally. “Who is this?”  
  
“Baekhyun, hi.” Baekhyun unknowingly immediately smiles at the voice. “It’s Joonmyun. I’m not calling at a bad time, am I?”  
  
“No, it’s fine,” Baekhyun tells him, turning her back on Lu Han and Kyungsoo, even though Lu Han is asking her who it is on the other line. “What’s up?”  
  
“I have this favor,” Joonmyun slowly says and Baekhyun has to laugh because he sounds so tentative. “I was wondering if you wanted to meet up for coffee tonight. It’s for business, I promise,” he hurriedly adds.  
  
“What’s the business?” Baekhyun asks, biting back her laughter. She doesn’t think Joonmyun would appreciate her laughing at his uneasiness. Although she understands why he is.  
  
“We’re thinking of throwing a party for my mother’s 65th birthday and we just wanted to have a list of ideas that we could possibly do in case she did want a party instead of just traveling to Europe like she normally does,” Joonmyun explains in one breath. “So yeah, a meeting, with coffee, tonight.” He pauses and Baekhyun can hear the hesitation in his voice. “And, maybe, just to hang out?”  
  
Baekhyun smiles, playing with the chord of the phone. She allows herself to admit the fact that she’s happy Joonmyun called her. Hearing his voice makes her feel happy and at ease. She thinks about their possible coffee meeting and can already imagine how fun it would be, how much they would laugh. But then she remembers that she’s going out with Kris that night. The guilt immediately makes her want to slap herself.  
  
“I’m sorry, I can’t,” she says instead. “I have a prior engagement, but you can come to the office tomorrow or schedule an appointment that’s more convenient for you?” It’s best to keep things professional.  
  
“Baekhyun,” he starts, a sigh on his lips. “I meant what I said during the wedding. But if you tell me that it’s not possible, that you really can’t be friends with me, I’ll leave you alone. But… but I really hope you won’t.”  
  
Baekhyun shouldn’t have even thought about it because there should only be one answer to that. Still, thoughts of possible conversations with Joonmyun, things they could talk about, places that could hang out in, flashed in her mind, filling her with hope before shutting them down.  
  
“I think… that’s best. I’m sorry,” she says and she really is. “I’ll schedule you an appointment with Lu Han or Kyungsoo if you want.”  
  
Joonmyun is quiet on the other end. There are some sounds of shifting in the background. She imagines him running a hand through his hair and randomly shuffling through some papers. There’s a sudden bang and he curses under his breath and mutters a quick apology when he remembers that he’s still on the phone with her.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she repeats in a whisper.  
  
“It’s fine,” he says dismissively. “Listen, so I have to go. I’ll, uh, talk to you soon.” He pauses and there’s a moment where Baekhyun thinks he’s going to try to persuade her not to do this, but he doesn’t. Instead, he sighs, “Goodbye, Baekhyun.”  
  
“Bye,” she doesn’t dare say his name.  
  
Baekhyun puts the phone down.  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
It’s been 10 minutes. Baekhyun glances at the time on her phone. Actually, it’s been more than 10 minutes, more like 15, and they’re probably already late for the play. When Kris had told her to meet her at the Sejong Center, she already knew what it was he was taking her to. She had been wanting to see a musical for so long and she knows that Kris knew this because she had mentioned it to him a couple of times. It wasn’t so much that she wanted him to take her. She doesn’t even care if she saw it with her friends. All she wants is to be able to watch.  
  
And now she’s here, but her husband isn’t. Baekhyun bites her lip and decides to call him, even though he hates being disturbed at the hospital.  
  
“Baek,” Kris’s breathless voice comes through the line before she can even say hello, “I’m sorry I won’t be able to make it. I’ve been called for an emergency operation in Tokyo. I’m in the airport.”  
  
“What—right now?” Baekhyun stammers.  
  
“Right now,” he confirms. “I’m sorry I couldn’t call you earlier, but I was in a rush. I’m sorry I can’t make it. Are you at Sejong already?”  
  
“Yeah,” she softly answers. “It’s fine,” she adds, shaking her head of irritated thoughts. “It’s an emergency. When will you be back?”  
  
“In a couple of days or so,” he tells her. “Baek, I have to go. I’ll make it up to you.”  
  
“Okay. I love—“ she starts, but Kris has already ended the call. She sighs as she puts her phone back into her clutch.  
  
Facing the theatre, she wonders if she should even go and see it now that she’s all upset. There are many things she’s been patient with when it comes to Kris, things she really would rather not talk about, things that not even Lu Han knows. But, sometimes, it’s the smallest things that really tick her off, especially when she’s let the big things go. Taking a deep breath, she turns her back on the musical (she doesn’t even have tickets), on the supposed _date_ , and thinks she can do other things with her evening.  
  
She’s taking her phone out to text Lu Han and Kyungsoo about going out when a deep red Bugatti stops in front of her. The window is lowered and she sees someone leaning across the passenger seat to look at her.  
  
“Joonmyun,” Baekhyun greets him in surprise.  
  
“What are you doing here by yourself? Is everything okay?” Joonmyun asks. There is genuine concern on his face. Baekhyun remembers their conversation that morning and immediately feels embarrassed.  
  
“I’m fine,” she assures him. “I was just…” She glances around. Baekhyun isn’t really sure what’s she’s about to do. “I’m fine,” she repeats with a small smile. “I’m probably just going to go home anyway.”  
  
Joonmyun gets out of the car and moves around it to stand beside her. “I’m not going to leave you here by yourself,” and the way he says it sounds non-negotiable. “I’ll take you home.” He opens the passenger door for her and Baekhyun stares at the open door.  
  
It’s a decision and she knows it. Getting into the car would, in one way or another, mean that she’s taking back what she’s said earlier. But she is by herself and she does need to get home since Zitao had just dropped her off.  
  
She gets in.  
  
Joonmyun slips back into the driver’s seat and starts driving off. They’re quiet in that way that speaks that maybe they’re right back where they started, even though they’re not even really friends in the first place.  
  
“What were you doing back there?” Joonmyun breaks the silence.  
  
“I was supposed to watch the musical but I changed my mind,” Baekhyun quietly answers, not elaborating on the details. Joonmyun seems to know anyway with the way he hums in response.  
  
The drive turns quiet and Baekhyun settles back into her seat, making herself comfortable. It’s a nice night to be out. Too bad she’s going home. She’s just started thinking about doing some work when she gets home, listing down all the things she needed to do for their next event when Joonmyun speaks again.  
  
He gets her attention and points to one of the buildings on the right. “That’s the first building I helped design,” he shares unceremoniously. She straightens on her seat to look at it interestedly. “I had just gotten out of university and had been recruited straight after graduation. That was the project they assigned me to.”  
  
“That’s amazing,” she breathes, tilting her head, trying to look all the way to the top. She turns to him and smiles for the first time. “How did it feel, when it was finished?”  
  
He laughs. “Really, really good,” Joonmyun divulges. “That project was unforgettable. It made me learn more that not everything was up to me, that I couldn’t do all the work with my own hands. I had to step back sometimes and let other people do the jobs they were assigned for. I couldn’t control all of it.”  
  
“Wasn’t it frustrating?” Baekhyun asks.  
  
“It was,” he chuckles when she laughs. “I’d always thought that the architect had the best say in everything. I learned the hard way that that wasn’t how things work.”  
  
“Yeah, it’s hard having someone else tell you what to do,” she tells him, looking out of the window once more.  
  
It’s not long before they fall into another silence, more comfortable this time, before Joonmyun is talking again.  
  
“You look beautiful, by the way,” Joonmyun says it so suddenly, but so sincerely that Baekhyun is almost blown away by the simple compliment.  
  
“I try,” Baekhyun tries to pass off the compliment as something like a joke.  
  
“You don’t really have to,” he insists.  
  
“Joonmyun,” she mutters, an unwilling blush spreading to her cheeks.  
  
“Sorry,” he immediately states. “I’m sorry. I know I’m not supposed to—“  
  
“Hey,” she interrupts him. “Are you hungry?” He gapes at her and she almost laughs because that is probably the last thing that he expected her to say. “Do you want to grab a bite before you drop me off?”  
  
It takes a while for Joonmyun to recover, but when he does, he smiles the brightest smile. “I know just the place,” he says.  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
“Where are you off to?” Lu Han asks suspiciously when Baekhyun starts packing her stuff right when 5 o’clock starts. She’s been leaving right on the dot everyday for the past two weeks.  
  
“Just out,” Baekhyun vaguely answers. “One of my sister’s friends is in town and I’m showing her around.”  
  
“Oh, who?” Kyungsoo pipes in, looking up interestedly. She’s pretty close to Baekhyun’s sister since her older brother, Ryeowook, is a friend of Taeyeon’s, too.  
  
“Some friend back from Canada or something,” Baekhyun says, standing up.  
  
“You’ve been out almost everyday,” Lu Han says, turning her seat around to get a full look at Baekhyun. “Kris doesn’t mind?”  
  
“Kris doesn’t notice,” Baekhyun rolls her eyes. “He’s still in Japan. Apparently, they asked him to stay longer to help out with more things over there.” She slings her bag over her shoulder when she feels her phone vibrating in her pocket. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” She waves and is out of there in a few seconds.  
  
Once she gets down to the lobby and out of the building, she spots a dark blue BMW a little farther away and walks towards it.  
  
“Hi,” she greets the driver when she gets in. “Where are we off to today?”  
  
“Hey,” Joonmyun greets her back happily. “You’ll see.”  
  
Joonmyun takes her to Incheon, to the penthouse of one of the new high-rises on the city’s outskirts. It has a breathtaking view of the sea and Baekhyun presses her hands on the floor-to-ceiling glass window.  
  
“This is beautiful,” Baekhyun tells him, turning around to see him standing in the middle of the empty room, smiling fondly at her. “Please tell me you’re getting this place. It would be such a waste if you don’t buy it.”  
  
“It’s mine,” Joonmyun says, chuckling. “I paid for it a month ago.” He walks towards the window to stand beside her. “I was actually thinking of furnishing it already. I’m mostly in Incheon anyway for business so I figured I’d get a place instead of staying in a hotel all the time.”  
  
“Very practical,” she excitedly agrees, clapping her hands. “It’s such a beautiful place, Joonmyun. The view is amazing.”  
  
They move from room to room until they reach the living room, which is just an empty space, just like all the other rooms. She spreads her arms wide and twirls around.  
  
“What are you doing?” Joonmyun laughs amusedly.  
  
“I don’t know,” she laughs with him, stopping. All Baekhyun can think of at that moment is how free and happy she feels, like nothing can go wrong, like nothing is wrong.  
  
“Do you want me to help furnish the place?” he asks. “I’d be really bad at it and I don’t want this place to go to waste.” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down at her.  
  
In hindsight, Baekhyun should have said no. Because there are many things that are wrong, and could go wrong, with a married man asking a married woman, who is not even an interior designer, for help in furnishing a place that’s nineteen miles away from Seoul, away from their homes.  
  
But she shoves these thoughts out of her and nods excitedly. “I’d love to,” she agrees.

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
“You know you can hire someone to do this for you, right?” Baekhyun says in amusement as Joonmyun seriously considers what color of wallpaper he should use for the penthouse. They’ve been going through different color palettes and it seems it’s taking Joonmyun forever to choose one. His lower lip is in between his teeth, his eyebrows all furrowed and she just wants to reach out and smooth them with her fingers.   
  
“Where’s the fun in that?” Joonmyun asks, looking at her with a twinkle in his eyes. He then raises up the two final colors that he’s chosen and holds it up for her to see. “Now, which one do you think is better, beige or grayish blue?”   
  
“It’s your apartment, Joonmyun,” Baekhyun reminds him with a chuckle.   
  
“Well then, we’re never going to finish with this because I really can’t decide,” he frowns, placing the two colors on the table. The sales lady just watches on in amusement, not offering any further advice since she has been doing that since an hour and a half ago. “And then we won’t be able to decide on the furniture because color is everything and—“   
  
“You are such an architect,” she rolls her eyes and boldly picks the grayish blue one and hands it to the sales lady. “He’ll take this one.”   
  
Joonmyun beams at her and continues beaming at her even when they’ve finally started to look at sofas. She ignores him by suggesting different kinds of couches that he can put in his living room and by pushing him onto it and making him sit to feel if it’s comfortable enough for him. She ignores him because she knows what she just did. Deciding what color he’s going to use for his penthouse, what furniture to use, what kind of lighting to put up seems very domestic for two people who aren’t even a couple.   
  
“I think we should get a kitchen set next and a dining table, as well as some cooking utensils,” Joonmyun suggests when he’s paid for the sofa set and signed his address on the delivery receipt. “I have to eat to live.”   
  
“You cook?” Baekhyun looks surprised. For someone of Joonmyun’s stature, it never even crossed her mind that he would know how to make food for himself.   
  
“Why the tone of surprise?” He pouts at her in mock hurt. “I can very well take care of myself, you know. And I make a mean macaroni and cheese.”   
  
“Macaroni and cheese?” Baekhyun laughs. “Really?”   
  
“I studied in the US for a couple of months and for a while it was all I could make,” Joonmyun explains himself with a shrug, “so I got really good at it.”   
  
“I’ll believe that when I see it,” she teases him.   
  
“Oh, you will,” he winks at her. She shoves a nearby throw pillow on his face   
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
When the sofa set arrives, along with the flat screen TV, surround sound speakers and DVD player. Joonmyun immediately plugs in his favorite movie and pulls Baekhyun to sit in the middle of the couch with him. The first distinct notes of The Godfather’s theme song start playing and Baekhyun narrows her eyes at Joonmyun.   
  
“What?” Joonmyun asks, he groans, covering his face with his hands in mock disapproval. “Are you one of those girls who hate action movies?”   
  
“On the contrary,” Baekhyun raises an eyebrow at him when he peeks in between his fingers, “this is one of my favorite movies.” She faces him and crosses her arms on her chest. “Are you sure you’re not stalking me? I’m pretty sure I have this on my Facebook page.”   
  
Joonmyun scoffs. “You haven’t updated Facebook in over two months and even then there isn’t much on it,” he says before catching himself and looking at her, who is muffling a giggle. “I mean, I don’t look at your Facebook page. _At all_.”   
  
“Sure you don’t,” she smiles as she settles back into her original position, ignoring the way Joonmyun is looking at her with such a handsome smile on his face.   
  
“Do _you_ visit my Facebook page?” he then asks and she shushes him because the movie’s getting good and because she doesn’t want to answer those kinds of questions.   
  
The Godfather may be Baekhyun’s favorite movie but it never fails to frighten her every single time she watches it. All the killing and the gun shooting always gets to her and she realizes she’s being obvious about it when Joonmyun nudges her teasingly.   
  
“I thought you said this is your favorite movie,” he says, chuckling lightly. “Why are you so scared?”   
  
“Because it’s scary!” she insists, gesturing towards the screen where Sonny’s ambush is about to happen. She buries her face in her hands as the multiple unending gunshots start.   
  
But that’s not what makes Baekhyun’s heart pound like it’s going to come out of her chest. Joonmyun snakes an arm around her and pulls her close to him; close enough that she can feel the heat radiating off his body, close enough that she can feel his heartbeat beating erratically, close enough that he’s pressing his lips to her head.   
  
“You are so cute,” Joonmyun laughs softly, repeating the intimate gesture.   
  
Baekhyun doesn’t move for a while. She knows she’s doing something wrong by not pushing him away, but then again, it just feels so nice being held like this, being held by someone she thinks likes her enough to want to comfort her over silly distress over an action movie. They have never crossed any boundaries, never exchanged words, never so much as touched hands. But then there’s _this_ and she thinks her heart is going to explode.   
  
Slowly, she straightens up and she knows, by the way he’s looking uncertainly at her, that Joonmyun is waiting for her to pull away, to stop him from being affectionate, because if she doesn’t do any of those, he’s never going to stop. But she likes it and insists that there is still nothing wrong with this. So she just laughs, nervously, and snuggles close to him.   
  
Joonmyun tightens his hold on her, his relief palpable.   
  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
Joonmyun does get his kitchen and dining table installed first. He doesn’t even bother with a bed yet, saying that the kitchen is more important and that the couch is comfortable enough to sleep on anyway.   
  
He brings Baekhyun there on one of her free Saturdays and announces that he’s going to make his famous macaroni and cheese for her. So she sits on the counter, watching as he fiddles with ingredients, turning the baking oven on, taking out the pasta, and heating water as he talks about the structure that they’re building in the middle of Incheon.   
  
She smiles fondly as he babbles on while chopping carrots with a frilly blue apron on that she bought for him. The scene is very domestic and, though she knows she shouldn’t be the one sitting in this kitchen or he shouldn’t be the one cooking for her, they’re there anyway. It doesn’t stop her from smiling, having thrown most of her uncertainties out of the window. They aren’t doing anything wrong technically. They’re friends who are spending time together. She’s a girl who is helping him out with his house and he’s a guy who is cooking for her to thank her for her help. That was it. They aren’t crossing any lines. Not really.   
  
“Ow!” Joonmyun suddenly yelps.   
  
Baekhyun scrambles out of her seat to rush to him. She takes his hand and inspects the cut on his thumb. Shooting him a mocking look, she pulls him to the sink and shoves his hand under the cold water.   
  
“Do you have bandages?” she asks before he can protest. Joonmyun shakes his head and she sighs because it’s so typical of him to not look after himself properly. Baekhyun inspects the cut after running water through it and nods in satisfaction. “Good thing it’s not that deep.”   
  
“It’s just a cut,” he grumbles when she takes the knife and starts chopping the carrots instead.   
  
“Stop being a baby and leave the cooking to the experts,” she says.   
  
“Oh so you’re an expert now,” he returns interestedly, leaning on the counter.   
  
“I’m probably a better cook than you,” she maintains seriously.   
  
Joonmyun frowns and looks at the counter for something to throw at her. He sees the grated cheese and takes a pinch to throw at her. She screams and takes a step back; patting her hair to find out it has cheese in it.    
  
“What are you, five? You’re going to pay for that,” she declares, taking a handful of the grated cheese and throwing it at his face. He flinches away, laughing and grabs the peas to throw at her in retaliation.   
  
It hits her straight on, feeling some of it goes inside her blouse. Putting the spatula she was using for mixing down, she grabs the bag of peas, dips her hand in, and attacks him with the handful that she’s scooped. Joonmyun covers his face, laughing uncontrollably, and grabs as much of the chopped carrot pieces that he can get. He catches her wrists together and sprinkles the carrots on top of her head.   
  
“ _Joonmyun!_ ” Baekhyun shrieks eyes closed, scrambling to untangle her wrists from his grasp.   
  
He lets her go, laughing, as she slumps into him. Her laughter is muffled as she buries her face in his chest, his arms automatically wrapping around her waist, steadying the two of them. She’s sticky and a mess with a mixture of cheese, peas and carrots in her hair, all over her and even her clothes.   
  
“Are you okay?” he asks, amusement still evident in his voice, when she pulls away. Tears have formed in her eyes from too much hilarity and he gently brushes them away with his thumbs.   
  
“I’m a mess,” she pouts unintentionally. There are peas and carrots and cheese sticking to her clothes like an artwork and she attempts to brush them away, accidentally spreading the cheese even more.   
  
“I think you’re beautiful,” he says very tenderly, his thumbs still brush the apples of her cheeks. Baekhyun’s heart seizes, her breath catching in her throat, as she looks up abruptly.   
  
Joonmyun is looking at her like he’s seeing all of her and likes what he sees. He looks at her like he doesn’t care what else he will find; looking at her as if saying that he’ll like her no matter what. How could she fight against that?   
  
He gives her a second that feels like an eternity to decide whether this is something that she wants to stop or whether this is something she _wants_. His eyes tell her that this _is_ wrong, but that this is also something that he’s been searching for his entire life and hasn’t found it until he met her. Biting her lip, gaze falling away from his face, she processes all of this because, in her heart, she feels the exact same things.   
  
And Baekhyun thinks about all of the things that could go wrong, all of the people that they could hurt and wonders if this is all worth it, if this is something she really wants to do. If the careful but thinning, line that they put in between them is something worth crossing.   
  
When she finally looks back at him, he doesn’t give her any more time. Joonmyun leans down and captures her lips. He tastes like cheese and something sweet, sweeter than she’s ever tasted before, and she reaches up a hand to cup his face, instantly kissing him back. One of his hands travel down her back, to the small of her waist, and pushes her flush against him. She gasps and he takes advantage of this, sneaking his tongue in to taste more of her. Giving in willingly, she returns the affection, standing on tiptoe so she could take more and give more in return.   
  
Many things in life, once done, can’t be taken back. Words laced with apologies are not enough even for the smallest of crimes. This one, though, feels like one of the biggest, and that no matter how much she apologizes for it, no matter how forgiven she might be, it’s just never going to be enough. This thought brings her back to reality and she pushes Joonmyun, whose lips have traveled down to her neck, off her.   
  
“Wait,” Baekhyun presses her palms to his chest as she tries to calm her breathing. She looks at him, wrecked, lips swollen and red, hair mussed up, eyes dark with desire. It makes her take a step back because she couldn’t have done this.   
  
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun hoarsely calls, trying to catch her wrist, which she snatches away from his grasp.   
  
“We can’t do this,” she asserts, shaking her head. “We can’t. I’m married. You’re married. You have a little boy. We can’t—“   
  
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun manages to grab her wrist this time. “Look at me.” When she meets his gaze, he continues, “Tell me you don’t feel…whatever this is between us.” She starts shaking her head again and he tilts her face to make her look back at him. “Right when we met, it’s been there. I know we’re both married, but is it so wrong to allow ourselves to feel something we’ve been longing for? Is it wrong to allow ourselves to finally fall in love?”   
  
“We _are_ supposed to be in love already,” Baekhyun takes her wrist back and steps farther away. “We are both _married_.”   
  
“I am not in love with my wife!” Joonmyun’s voice echoes loudly in the apartment, making Baekhyun flinch. “I have never been in love with her and the only reason I’m staying is because of our baby boy. I love my kid, I really do, and I would do anything for him. But just this once, I want to be able to experience that kind of love that they say only happens in fairy tales.”   
  
“There is no such love, Joonmyun,” Baekhyun snaps. “There are no fairy tales and happy endings.” She used to believe in such things, living happily ever after, with Kris, but they are all lies. Things do not always end happily. What’s worse is that sometimes the sad things do not even end.   
  
“This is close enough,” he declares. “It’s not a perfect fairy tale, but I know what I feel and I’ve never felt this way before so I’ll take what I can get.” He takes slow steps towards her so as not to scare her away further. “I know this isn’t an ideal situation. I know that this isn’t something you would do because you’re not that kind of girl, and I’m not this kind of guy either. But I can’t help it, Baekhyun. I can’t stop whatever it is that I’ve started to feel ever since I met you.”   
  
Instead of saying anything, Baekhyun turns around and grabs her things from the living room. She wears her coat despite her messy clothes, buttoning it up so that she doesn’t look too disheveled, and hurries to the door. Kris is waiting for her at home. Kris, who isn’t the perfect husband, but is trying for her, trying to make things work, trying to bring things back to the way they were. She can’t do this to him, can’t break his heart like this. She’s his wife and she’s supposed to be the one protecting his heart, not breaking it.   
  
She stops in her tracks and turns around to tell Joonmyun that she’s not coming back, that this is the last time they’ll see each other because it’s the right thing to do. But when she does, Joonmyun’s lips are on hers again. Baekhyun clutches onto his shirt, taken aback, and returns the kiss.   
  
“No. We can’t.” She pushes him away with much effort.   
  
“Baekhyun, please,” Joonmyun’s voice is the quietest she’s heard it.   
  
She brushes away the tear about to fall on his cheek and kisses him again. And then she’s rushing out of the door.   
  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kyungsoo asks for what feels like is the 20th time. She glances at Lu Han, who’s just looking at Baekhyun, who, in turn, is studiously ignoring them intently.   
  
Two weeks have passed since Baekhyun had walked out on Joonmyun. And it’s been two weeks of unanswered phone calls, two weeks of ignored messages, two weeks of silence on her part. Everyone has been asking her if she was okay because it is so obvious that she isn’t. But she never says anything, merely shaking her head and giving a small smile, which she has so few of in possession these days.   
  
She just doesn’t understand it. Their time together isn’t something they can boast of. They haven’t known each other that all that long. Three months is not enough time for a person to fall, to have feelings for someone. Three months is not good enough of an indicator whether such feelings are real, whether such feelings should be entertained. Three months is nothing compared to the many years that she has shared with Kris.   
  
“Baekhyun?” Lu Han presses.   
  
“Fine,” Baekhyun mutters, shrugging off the hand Lu Han has placed on her shoulder. It’s unfair to shut her friends out. But she knows that if she let her façade crack even just a tiny bit, she will burst and that’s not something she’s ready for her friends to see.   
  
“Are you working overtime again?” Kyungsoo asks worriedly.   
  
“Yeah,” Baekhyun answers systematically. “I have to finish these proposals.”   
  
Sehun walks into their cubicle. “You guys ready to go?”   
  
“Yeah,” Lu Han says, squeezing Baekhyun’s shoulder before following Sehun out. Baekhyun hears her ask Lu Han if she’s okay and doesn’t hear what Lu Han says in return.   
  
“Call if you need anything, okay?” Kyungsoo says. “And don’t stay so late.”   
  
“Have fun,” Baekhyun nods, forcing out a smile.   
  
Once she’s sure that they’re gone, she wilts into her seat and bends over, burying her face in her hands. She’s not exactly sure what’s happening, but every time she’s left alone, she starts crying. Just because she broke things off with Joonmyun, whatever their thing was, it doesn’t mean that it hurt any less. Just because she shared 10 years of her life with Kris, doesn’t mean that she’s ever felt the kind of affection that Joonmyun has showed her in three months from him.   
  
She can’t deny that she wants what Joonmyun is offering, what he has offered her. It’s been so long since she’s felt so wanted, so cared for. Such things are those that she’s been yearning for from her husband and yet, she can’t get it even from him. But it would be wrong to give in. Joonmyun is right. She isn’t that girl.    
  
She continues crying. Because she wants to belong to Joonmyun. She wishes that she belonged to him. Now that he’s shown her what a relationship with him would be like, she can’t shake it out of her head, can’t make her body, mind and heart forget it.   
  
Suddenly, there’s some movement behind her and she hurriedly straightens up and wipes her tears away. She turns around and sees Zitao.   
  
“Zitao,” Baekhyun laughs brokenly, trying to sound cheerful, “what are you still doing here?”   
  
Zitao pulls one of the seats closer to her and sits down. “Why are you crying?” he asks, deciding not to beat around the bush.   
  
“I’m not,” she starts to explain herself.   
  
“Why have you been crying for the past few days?” he rephrases his question. This shuts her up. She didn’t know that there had been someone else in the office whenever she stays behind. “Baekhyun, I know we’re not that close,” he gently speaks, reaching for her hand and squeezing it, “but you can always talk to me if you feel like you need to talk to someone, anyone.”   
  
She thinks about it, wonders what it would feel like for someone to listen and hear her out, someone to tell her and assure her that everything will be okay. Maybe Zitao can give her that. But Zitao’s image of her would be destroyed and she doesn’t really need any more people to think badly of her.   
  
Zitao sighs and pats her hand. “I’ll be in my cubicle if you need me,” he says, standing up.   
  
He’s almost out of her workspace when she blurts out, “When is falling in love wrong?”   
  
He freezes and slowly turns back, going back to his seat. “What?”   
  
“When is falling in love wrong?” she repeats, her tears threatening to burst out again.   
  
“I think… falling in love is never wrong,” he carefully deliberates. “I think it’s the circumstances of a love that will decide if it’s a love that’s worth pursuing.” He purses his lips and watches a tear slide on Baekhyun’s cheek. “Or worth crying over.” He furrows his brows in concern when she continues to cry. “Baekhyun, what is this about? Did something happen with Kris?”   
  
She shakes her head, but takes his hand in hers, needing some form of comfort. “I don’t know what to do, Tao,” she whispers, using his nickname. “My marriage is a mess and I…. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Is it still possible for me to find love? Am I allowed to? But I’m married and—“   
  
“Baekhyun,” Zitao shakes her lightly, bringing her out of her hysterics. He wraps his arms around her as she bursts into fresh tears. “Please stop crying.”   
  
After a while, she does. She pulls away from Zitao, wipes her face clean of tears and smiles at him. She doesn’t really feel any better, doesn’t feel like her problem will be solved anytime soon. But she does feel lighter. Unloading her pain to someone, no matter how burdensome she thinks it is, calms her a bit. That, and now she feels like she isn’t alone. Even if Zitao doesn’t really understand, she knows that he will be there to listen to her when she needs it again.   
  
“Are you going to be okay?” he asks as they both stand up to leave.   
  
“Yeah,” she nods. “Thank you, Zitao.” She hugs him tight and kisses his cheek. “Thank you for listening to me.”   
  
She makes her way out to the lobby and looks at her reflection in one of the mirrors. She decides that she’s going to continue trying with Kris. She’ll try one last time. Not for Joonmyun, but for her. Because those tears aren’t just because of Joonmyun. They’re also tears because she now knows what she deserves. She knows what she wants and needs in her life, knows the kind of love that she is worth to receive. She thinks it’s about time she thinks about herself this time around.   
  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
Change isn’t easy. They say it’s the most constant thing in the world. But it’s also one of the hardest. Baekhyun thinks that’s what Kris has been trying to do. All their life together, ever since they were younger, she thinks he’s probably been trying to change. Trying, and failing.   
  
Kris had been kind and sweet and was such a gentleman when they were both still in school. There were glimpses of a temper whenever he’d get frustrated over basketball or when someone tried to hurt her. But it was nothing like his transformation after they got married.   
  
The sweet and gentle Kris that she’d met seemed to change overnight. He would yell at her, grab her not so gently, ignore her, and be irritated with her… It was a Kris she had never seen before; a Kris that she didn’t know. It was a Kris that scared her. At first, she chalked it up to stress and the amount of work that he always had on his plate. But when he never appeared to mellow back down, when his anger just kept on getting worse, when he started to become a monster, she couldn’t really get out anymore. She didn’t know how to get out. Even now, she still doesn’t know how to do so.   
  
Which was why when Kris suddenly became sweet and tender during lovemaking, as well as randomly making her dinner, she was incredibly thrown off guard. She didn’t know what to make of it. If anything, it made her feel suspicious, but about what she wasn’t sure. But that’s also why it’s not a surprise when he got tired of all that pretending, when he slowly went back to his natural self.   
  
She brushes off her husband’s advances while she tries to make him a decent dinner. It’s been a while since he’s been home early enough to catch her still awake, much less catch her in the process of making dinner. These days, though, when he comes home all he seems to want from her is sex.   
  
“Kris, I’m cooking,” she reprimands him lightly when his hand travels to her breast, pushing his hand away.   
  
“But I want you,” he nuzzles his nose to the back of her neck, pushing her hair to the side. “Now.”   
  
“I have to make this for you,” she tries to reason, “and I’m really tired.”   
  
Kris’s hand leaves her and Baekhyun quietly breathes a sigh of relief. She had thought that Kris would insist and push for her to drop anything just to please him. Maybe there is hope for him yet. She turns the stove off and takes a bowl from the cupboard, placing it beside the stove so she can transfer the soup. When she turns around to get soup ladle, she is suddenly hoisted up in the air.   
  
It takes her a second to realize that Kris is carrying her to their bedroom. She knows that it’s pointless to try to fight him off and waits as he dumps her onto their bed. Immediately, she sits up and tries to scramble off it, but his hands are on her and he presses her back down.   
  
“Kris, I really don’t want to do this right now,” she pleads.   
  
“Well, I want to,” he says, smirking. “So I guess you’re just going to have to take it.”   
  
Her heart is beating fast in her chest as Kris makes a show of taking their clothes off. She lays there, eyes on the ceiling, in an effort not to cry and make a big deal out of this. This isn’t new. And she’s ingrained it in her mind long ago that as long as she doesn’t struggle, it’s not going to hurt as much.   
  
Baekhyun tries not to stiffen so conspicuously when Kris thrusts two fingers inside her without so much as a warning. She squeezes her eyes shut and bites her bottom lip just so she can bite back the cry of pain trying to bubble out of her. He hasn’t even kissed her to try to get her worked up and the friction is excruciating. She finds his lips and forces kisses out of him as she grips his hand, coaxing him to go slower, gentler. Kris withdraws his fingers and Baekhyun relaxes, relieved that the pain is gone. She lifts herself up to reward him with a sweet kiss when she realizes that he’s naked and is about to enter her.   
  
She tries to push him off to stop him or make him go slow. “Kris, wait—“ Her words die in her throat as she lets out a stilted sob.   
  
“You’re so tight,” Kris groans as he starts pushing in and out without even asking if she’s okay. “Fuck,” he grunts, not noticing how hard she’s clutching onto his arms, not listening to her cries of pain, not seeing the tears seeping from her eyes.   
  
Baekhyun tries to think of something that would make her even just slightly numb from the pain. She sings a happy, children’s song in her head, hoping it will be over soon so that the pain will go away. When that doesn’t work, she does a checklist in her head of the things she still has to do for the next event. They still need to confirm the venue, make sure that the caterer has the correct menu, they need fresh flowers, the red carpet should be in place and oh they need to check whether they should have provisions in case it starts raining.    
  
It doesn’t work and Baekhyun’s so disappointed and so scared because it usually does. She scrambles to think of something else to think about but Kris is moving faster now, so close to his release, and she feels like she’s being split into two. She buries her fingernails in his arms, pretty sure that it’ll be decorated with half moons afterwards, biting her lower lip so hard that it draws blood. She should be pretty used to Kris being rough with her, but it just hurts even worse every single time.   
  
Kris slumps on her when he finishes. Baekhyun evens out her breathing and tries to smile when he finally lifts himself up to look at her. She brushes his sweaty hair away from his forehead and he returns her smile. It’s a soft and fond one, something that is so rarely given. It’s times like these that she remembers how much she loves him.   
  
He pulls out of her and turns to his side, his back facing her, falling asleep. And just like that, she forgets.   
  
Quietly, she slips off the bed. She slowly puts her clothes back on and gingerly exits the room. With shaking hands, she dials Lu Han’s number. She needs to get way. She can’t stay here.   
  
“Baek!” Lu Han answers after two rings.   
  
“Hey,” Baekhyun says, hoping her voice is steady enough not to arouse suspicion. “What you up to tonight?”   
  
“What am I up to tonight?” Lu Han repeats and there’s a laugh in the background, one that Baekhyun immediately recognizes as belonging to Minseok. “I’m at home—stop,” she hisses to Minseok, “I’m talking to Baekhyun.”   
  
“You’re busy,” Baekhyun says, swallowing heavily because her tears are about to spill any moment now. “I’ll just call you later.” She moves to hang up.   
  
“Hey, Baek,” Lu Han shushes Minseok. “Is everything okay?”   
  
“Yeah,” Baekhyun forces out a laugh. “Everything’s fine. Sorry I bothered you.”   
  
“Are you sure?” Lu Han seriously asks. “Do you want to come over?”   
  
“Don’t be silly,” Baekhyun says. “I’m fine. I’ll talk to you soon.”   
  
Shakily, she ends the call. She contemplates on calling Kyungsoo, but immediately decides against it. She doesn’t want to burden Kyungsoo with her problems. She wouldn’t really think twice about talking to Lu Han but that’s because she’s been a friend with her for far longer. Scrolling through her contacts list, she sees her sister’s name. She could crash with her sister for a while.   
  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
“Baekhyun?” Taeyeon asks sleepily when she opens the door. “It’s late. What are you doing here?”   
  
“I need a place to stay for the night,” Baekhyun doesn’t beat around the bush. “I’ll explain inside.” She moves to push the door to go in, but Taeyeon stops her.   
  
“What happened with Kris?” Taeyeon asks.   
  
“Something,” Baekhyun vaguely and unsteadily answers. “Please, Taeyeon. Just for tonight. I’ll be out of your hair by morning.”   
  
Taeyeon tightens her robe around her and places her hands on Baekhyun’s shoulders. “Listen, Baekhyun, whatever you’re fighting about with Kris, it’s temporary,” she assures her. “You’re his wife. If he said or did something—“   
  
“You _know_ what’s been happening, Taeyeon,” Baekhyun cuts her off intently. “I can’t do this anymore.” She pauses as she takes a deep breath to keep her tears at bay. “I’m scared of him. I’ve always been scared of him.”   
  
“You married him,” Taeyeon insists. “There has got to be a way to work things out.”   
  
Baekhyun stares at her sister in disbelief. “So you’re really not going to let me in? You’re going to make me go back there when he practically just forced himself on me?”   
  
“Baekhyun, don’t make a scene,” Taeyeon murmurs when she glances behind her to see her husband, Kyuhyun, call for her. “Go back home and I will call you in the morning. We can talk then.”   
  
Baekhyun starts crying when Taeyeon closes the door on her. Her own sister can’t even accept the fact that her marriage is a mess, that she’d chosen a husband who is a monster. She turns around and walks to her car. When she starts the engine, she already knows where she’ll go.   
  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
Baekhyun stands there for 20 minutes without doing anything other than staring at the elevator buttons, mostly at the P right at the top. The concierge had buzzed her in, knowing her from all those many times that she’s been there, and yet she’s stuck between actually going up or going back out.   
  
What was she thinking when she decided to come here, that she decided to come here? This is just asking for trouble. This is creating a whole new problem for herself; one that she had promised herself that she would never get into. So just what exactly is she doing, contemplating going up and hoping to see Joonmyun?   
  
She stares at her phone and wonders if she should call him to let him know. He’s probably out; it is a Friday night, probably dinner with some colleagues or out drinking with friends in some bar. He wouldn’t be home on a Friday night, especially in an apartment that’s barely furnished. He doesn’t even have a bed yet. But then she remembers how Joonmyun expressed clearly that he wanted her and wanted to take care of her.   
  
She presses the P button and the elevator goes up the various floors. She really needs someone to take care of her at the moment.   
  
Soon, she reaches the penthouse and the doors slide open. Stepping out fretfully, she looks around and wonders if anyone’s home. The lights are all turned on, but that doesn’t really say much since Joonmyun has the habit of leaving the lights on and forgetting to turn them off even when he leaves.   
  
The apartment is already fully furnished as far as she can tell. Everything that they had bought, aside from a couple of small details, is in the apartment. Baekhyun slowly moves from room to room, trying to see if Joonmyun is home, and partly to see how he’d decorated everything. When she reaches the master’s bedroom, she stops. The door is open and there is light flooding from inside.   
  
There are many, many reasons why Baekhyun shouldn’t be there. She can’t even begin to count them in her head. But, with this, she turns around and starts walking away. She shouldn’t have come. She shouldn’t have even _thought_ of coming. Things are over between them. She’s made that clear and—   
  
“Baekhyun?”   
  
She freezes and doesn’t do anything until Joonmyun is standing right in front of her. She watches as the joy on his face is replaced by deep concern when he sees the condition that she’s in.   
  
“Are you okay?” he asks, cupping her cheeks, brushing her hair over her shoulder. “What happened?”   
  
“I’m fine,” she lies. “I shouldn’t have come.” She steps back to move around him so she can leave.   
  
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun grabs her wrist and stops her. “I’m not letting you leave when you obviously chose to come here for a reason.” He puts his warm hands on her arms, squeezing gently. “What is it?”   
  
The things that happened come rushing back to her, Kris, not wanting to bother Lu Han, her own sister shutting her out, and somehow all her tears don’t want to be shut out anymore either. She bows her hand and covers her face. Of all the things she can do, crying in front of Joonmyun is the last thing on her list.   
  
“Hey, hey,” Joonmyun wraps his arms around her. “What’s wrong?” When Baekhyun continues crying, he hugs her tighter, rubbing his hands up and down her back soothingly. She leans into the touch and clings onto him. “Please, stop crying.”   
  
Baekhyun pulls away slightly, her hands still fisting the front of Joonmyun’s shirt. “I’m sorry,” she softly says. “I know I came unannounced but…” She bites her lip. If she asks him if she can stay, she knows that there would be no turning back, no matter what happens that night. “But can I… can I stay here tonight? I won’t even be a bother. I just really need some place to stay and—“   
  
“Baekhyun, you can stay as long as you like,” he declares and Baekhyun hates to hear the hope in his voice. It just makes her want more things that she knows she can’t completely have. “And I know what you’re thinking. I respect your decision. I won’t cross your boundaries.”   
  
Baekhyun smiles a little. Although she’s not sure if that makes her feel better or worse.

 

 

 

 

-   
  
  
  
  
  
Baekhyun flinches back when some of the oil shoots out of the pan when she starts frying the pajeon. She watches as the edges start to curl in before transferring the Kimbap that she made earlier to a proper plate, as well as put the proper vegetables for the Bibimbap. She still has to make mandoo, but there is still enough time. It’s only eleven in the morning and Joonmyun had said he’d be back at around noon.   
  
She had woken up that morning with Joonmyun’s arms wrapped securely around her. He had put Baekhyun in one of the two guest rooms and closed the door behind him, telling her to wake him up if there was _anything_ she needed. The thought of wanting Joonmyun with her while she slept was tempting to voice out, but she didn’t want to confuse him so suddenly. But, apparently, Baekhyun had been crying in her sleep when he checked on her in the middle of the night, so he decided to stay to calm her down.   
  
It’s hard to believe that Joonmyun, whom Baekhyun had rejected twice, is still up to the task of taking care of her, of even being nice to her. There are many things he could have done when she’d come to his apartment, putting her into a hotel for the night for one. But instead, Joonmyun took Baekhyun in and told her to make herself comfortable for as long as she wanted to stay. And it is because of this that she figured she should do something for him. Which is why she’s making him lunch.   
  
“What are you doing?” Baekhyun jumps at Joonmyun’s voice and swiftly turns around in time to see him loosening the knot of his necktie.   
  
“You’re back already.” Baekhyun glances at the clock, surprised. It is only 11:30.   
  
“My meeting ended early,” Joonmyun says, laying his briefcase down on the kitchen counter. He eyes Baekhyun up and down, eyes wide. “Are you wearing my shirt?” Joonmyun’s light blue button up on Baekhyun makes it look like she’s wearing a dress. A short one.   
  
Baekhyun jumps again and gives him a sheepish smile, red tinting her cheeks. “I hope you don’t mind,” she says, biting her lip uncertainly. “My clothes are in the washer and I needed to wear something so I can cook for you, and you don’t have underpants that fit me so…” She clears her throat and blushes at the implications.   
  
“Well, uh,” Joonmyun stammers, face red. He looks everywhere else except at Baekhyun and her legs because the polo shirt is really short on her. “I can…” He vaguely gestures at the stove. “And you can…” He points in the general direction of the laundry room.   
  
“Right,” Baekhyun coughs, cheeks as red as ever. She’s almost out of the kitchen when a sudden thought comes to her. It’s daring and foolhardy and probably very stupid, but she takes a deep breath and decides to do it anyway.   
  
Joonmyun has just transferred the cooked pajeon on a platter when Baekhyun wraps her arms around his waist. He almost drops the pan.   
  
“Baekhyun, what—?”   
  
“Thank you,” Baekhyun says, placing a kiss onto his back. It’s a very light kiss but she knows Joonmyun feels it with the way he leans back. “Thank you,” she repeats because she thinks she’s never going to be grateful enough.   
  
She bows her head as she lets go because she is embarrassed that she hugged him and planted a kiss on his back. It’s practically a glittering neon sign that says she’s eating everything she’s told him in the past few months. Shyly tugging Joonmyun’s shirt that she’s wearing down, Baekhyun walks out of the kitchen. She can’t face him like this, not when she’s served her feelings out to him on a platter.   
  
Except Joonmyun is pulling her back. He turns her around, places his hands on her waist and just gazes at her. Baekhyun wants to look away, but she can’t. She can’t because Joonmyun’s eyes always say a lot of things, things they both don’t really say out loud but are there. Sometimes she wonders about the circumstances of their meeting, about what it could mean, about why they had to even meet at all when they couldn’t be together. What if they’d met before Kris, before his wife? _What if?_   
  
Baekhyun looks back at Joonmyun and decides that it doesn’t matter. The important is the here and now and that, no matter how wrong it might be, they’re just going to have to make the most of their time together. And just when she stands on tiptoe to kiss him, he leans down, meeting her halfway.   
  
There is something so liberating about a kiss willingly given. This isn’t like their first kiss, where there was desperation and such longing waiting to be dispelled. It’s not even like their second kiss, which was done in an attempt to make her stay. This kiss is like gasping for air after holding one’s breath for so long. It’s like finally being able to see after having lost sight of things. They don’t care about anything else anymore. For now, it’s just the two of them.   
  
“You don’t know how much I’ve wanted to do that since I saw you here last night,” Joonmyun breathlessly tells her as he closes his eyes and leans his forehead against hers when they pull away. “I missed you.”   
  
“This wasn’t really part of the plan,” Baekhyun admits to him with a giggle, playing with his necktie.   
  
“You can’t take it back now,” he playfully says, but Baekhyun can sense the seriousness of the statement.   
  
“I won’t,” she laughs as she presses another kiss to his lips.   
  
Joonmyun wraps his arms tight around her small waist and kisses her deeper. Baekhyun eagerly returns the affection. It feels like it’s been so long since she’s wanted to kiss someone like this, so long since she’s wanted to be so close to someone in every way possible. Joonmyun’s kisses are so sweet and exhilarating. Every touch sends tingles down her spine, makes her shiver, and makes her want more.   
  
“Spend the rest of the day with me,” Joonmyun says as he continues to press kisses on her lips and all over her face. “We can do whatever you want, go around town and walk around or we can—“   
  
“Okay,” Baekhyun cuts him off with another kiss and retreats down the hall to the laundry room. “I’ll just get dressed.”   
  
Baekhyun has just taken her clothes out of the dryer and is in the middle of unbuttoning Joonmyun’s polo shirt to change back into her own clothing when, all of a sudden, there are arms circling around her waist. Joonmyun is infinitely warm and comfortable so she snuggles closer to him, laughing. He nuzzles her neck and litters small, tingling kisses down her neck.   
  
“What are you doing?” Baekhyun laughs, turning around to face him and kiss him properly. She circles her arms around his neck as his hands start kneading distracting circles on the cloth on her waist. “We’re never going to get to leave if you keep distracting me.”   
  
“What if I changed my mind?” he breathes through her lips, his hands trailing lower, fingers skating her thighs.   
  
“You don’t want to spend the afternoon with me anymore?” she asks, gasping when Joonmyun’s hand snakes up her shirt and finds purchase on her bare waist.   
  
“I do,” Joonmyun whispers in her ear as he bends down and scoops her in his arms, her own flying up to cling to him. “Just indoors.”   
  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
Joonmyun touches her like she’s made of glass, as if holding her too tight or too roughly will break her. He sends fleeting kisses and touches down Baekhyun’s skin that makes her ache and want more, and caresses her body like she’s the most beautiful thing he’s touched. Every place that his lips touch flares and spark something blazing in her. Baekhyun moans and screams because she doesn’t think she’s felt like this before. It feels like this is the first time she’s actually making love with someone. It’s like all those years of sex in her life didn’t exist because no one, not even Kris, has ever made her feel like this before.   
  
Joonmyun’s hand skitters from her breast to her stomach and down to her hipbone, his lips following in its wake. Baekhyun’s back arches off the bed because the combination of Joonmyun’s hands and mouth, not to mention his tongue, is mind-blowing. Every touch makes her feel like there’s an explosion waiting to happen inside of her.   
  
“Beautiful,” Joonmyun whispers into every inch of her body, and somehow Baekhyun starts believing him. “You are so beautiful.”   
  
Baekhyun tries to return the favor, tries to pleasure him as much as he’s doing for her. But Joonmyun gently turns her touches away, insisting that this night is for her, that seeing her satisfied gratifies him in turn. And Baekhyun has never felt so cherished during love making before. She used to think that it was just about the sex, the immediate enjoyment, and nothing about the fast heartbeats of two people, the heavy rise and fall of chests, nothing of the whispered sweetness and fondness.   
  
Baekhyun is just aching all over, almost in pain for him to just take her, when Joonmyun stops and kisses her eyelids so she would open her eyes. She blinks up at him, flushed and sweaty, lips red and swollen, eyes dark with want, and leans up to kiss him. Threading her fingers through his damp dark locks, she wonders how she could have missed something like this all her life.   
  
“Are you sure?” Joonmyun hoarsely asks when they pull away. His arms are trembling on both sides of her head as he holds himself up. Baekhyun thinks he’s doing more than that. He seems to be controlling his whole self from just taking her. A surge of emotion wells up in her, because Joonmyun seems to care enough to actually force himself to stop to make sure that she wants this. “Do you want to do this?”   
  
“I’m sure,” Baekhyun softly but clearly declares because she is. She thinks she doesn’t get any more certain than this. There is nothing left to lose. Her hands trace his chest down to his stomach and rest on the ache in between his legs. He bites back a growl when she tugs it, making him almost collapse on top of her. “I want you,” she adds, her mouth right by his ear.   
  
He fills her unhurriedly, both of them gasping at the slow burning bliss. Baekhyun grips Joonmyun’s arms when he starts moving, partly because of the intense enjoyment this is giving her, but partly because of fear. She’s afraid that it’s going to hurt, because it always has hurt in the past. But Joonmyun does it leisurely and tenderly, kissing her fervently to take her mind off her worries, over the possible pain. Overwhelming ardor for this man overcomes her as they move in unison, both of them working together for each other. Every huff and breath that comes out of Joonmyun’s mouth, Baekhyun wants to commit to memory as a reminder that she is responsible for this, that this is happening to him because of her. She has no doubt that Joonmyun is doing the same thing. His eyes trace every crevice of her face, kisses every gasp out of her mouth, and his hand cups her face gently.   
  
They come at the same time, their breathlessness in sync as Joonmyun’s arms almost give way at the intensity of his orgasm that he almost crushes her. Baekhyun lets out a laugh and presses her lips to Joonmyun’s when they’ve ridden out their high.   
  
“That was amazing,” she sighs contentedly as Joonmyun finally lies down beside her, still breathing heavily.   
  
“ _You_ are amazing,” he tells Baekhyun, gathering her into his arms to kiss her again.   
  
As they fall asleep, Baekhyun can’t help but think that this is the happiest she’s ever felt in a really long time.   
  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
“Where were you?” Lu Han demands as soon as Baekhyun steps into the office. She has a hand on her hip, eyebrows furrowed, and lips pressed to a straight line.   
  
“I stayed at a hotel,” Baekhyun smoothly answers, putting her bag down on her desk as Kyungsoo swivels around in her chair.   
  
“What happened?” Kyungsoo immediately asks. “I heard you and Kris had a fight.”   
  
Baekhyun’s eyes widen and she instantly turns to Lu Han for answers. Her best friend deflates to her seat and sighs.   
  
“Kris called about two hours after you did that night,” Lu Han explains. “He mentioned that you guys fought and that you haven’t come home.” She puts a hand on Baekhyun’s thigh. “Why didn’t you tell me? You’d already called. Do you know how worried I was and how stupid I felt when I found out?”   
  
“Sorry,” Baekhyun mutters. “It wasn’t a big deal. We fought and I left. I stayed at a hotel and that was it.”   
  
“For a whole day?” Lu Han prompts. “Even your sister called and she—“   
  
“Doesn’t have a right to ask about me,” Baekhyun snaps. She turns to face her desk as a sign that the conversation is over.   
  
All calls that she had received that day had gone to voice mail. She didn’t even check her messages and had only texted Lu Han with a vague ‘I’m okay” before tucking her phone back in her bag, never looking at it again.   
  
It was quiet in the apartment when she’d arrived home, the lights dim. She hadn’t really cared whether Kris would be home or not, but she was surprised when she found him sitting in the living room, head hung low. He had hugged her, tightly, when he saw that she’d come back, telling her that he had been worried about her, asking if she’s okay, telling her that he was sorry. But they were empty words, Baekhyun knew. Because, as soon as he’d let her go, he picked up his bag and told her that he was needed at the hospital and she was left all alone again.   
  
Baekhyun leans back on her seat and sighs. Kris hadn’t come home since then. She’s not really sure where he is at the moment, but she’s sure it’s not just work he’s doing. She has been seeing the lipstick stains and smelled the flowery perfume scents enough to start thinking about the possibility that he’s seeing someone else.   
  
Her mobile phone vibrates in her bag. Taking it out, she smiles when she sees Joonmyun’s name on the screen, directly replying to his message.   
  
They had parted rather cheesily that evening. He had wanted to drive her back, but it was pointless since she had driven there. Joonmyun hadn’t wanted to let her go. Baekhyun kept on kissing him goodbye and walking to the door before she was tugged back _again_ into his arms. By the time she was able to actually leave, it was an hour later than her slated time.   
  
Baekhyun knows that what they’re doing is wrong. But, frankly, she doesn’t care anymore. Joonmyun said he wanted to try his luck at finding true love. And Baekhyun, who has stopped believing in happy ever afters, thinks she does, too.   
  
There is no turning back now.   
  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
Being in a secret relationship isn’t all that hard, much to Baekhyun’s surprise. Incheon feels like a whole new world away from Seoul, despite it being only forty-five minutes away. There, no one really knows them. No one cares when they hold hands down the street or feed each other during lunch or kiss on the sidewalk. Their weekends together are always so much fun and exciting and loving that Baekhyun is always sad when they have to go back and leave it behind. It’s like they’ve built this world that’s their own and everything else disappears when they’re together.   
  
“Where are you?” Zitao asks through the slight static. “You left the office so quickly earlier.”   
  
“I’m at a friend’s house,” Baekhyun says, cradling the phone between her shoulder and ear as she puts a pan on the stove. It isn’t entirely a lie. Joonmyun is technically her friend. “I’m making dinner for them.” She pours oil on the pan after putting in some garlic and onions and takes a step back as it sizzles.   
  
“Where?” Zitao repeats.   
  
“Why are you so curious?” Baekhyun laughs.   
  
Baekhyun notices the elevator opening out of the corner of her eye and before she can stop Joonmyun, his voice is booming across the place. “I’m home!”   
  
“Zitao, I have to go,” she rushes.   
  
“Who is that—?”   
  
“I have to go bye!” Baekhyun ends the call and puts the cordless phone on the counter. She smiles as Joonmyun moves around the counter to hug her from behind. “Hi!” she says, turning her head to greet him with a kiss. “You didn’t have to be so loud.”   
  
“Who was that?” Joonmyun chuckles through her hair.   
  
“Zitao,” Baekhyun sighs, turning the stove off to face him.   
  
Joonmyun merely smiles at her before leaning down to kiss her, and Baekhyun gives in because what else can she do? There really is no use in talking about or worrying about what Zitao has heard.   
  
“How was your day?” Baekhyun asks, running her fingers through Joonmyun’s hair.   
  
“Long,” Joonmyun answers, pulling away to grab his briefcase from where he placed it on the counter. “I have all these meetings tomorrow.”   
  
Baekhyun slightly freezes, frowning. “On a Saturday?” Weekends are the only days when Joonmyun is able to sleep in and sleep properly. He’s always up so early and home so late during the weekdays.   
  
“Yeah, I know,” Joonmyun sighs, walking back to her and cupping her cheek. “It’s a big project and they’re really pushing the construction to get started late this month.”   
  
“As long as you still get enough sleep,” Baekhyun says.   
  
“Yes, I will.” Joonmyun kisses her forehead.   
  
“Are you going to be working?” she then asks, gesturing to his briefcase. He nods. “Okay,” she says. “I’ll call you when dinner is ready. Good luck.”   
  
He kisses her, murmuring something through her lips, and then he’s off to his office. She returns to making dinner for Joonmyun, turning the stove back on. There are nights, mostly Fridays, sometimes, even Saturdays, when Joonmyun works overtime at their home in Incheon. His job requires doing a lot of paperwork and sketching and mathematical analysis, which Baekhyun thinks is quite taxing so she does her best to make things easier for him, doing things like preparing his bath, hanging out the clothes that he will wear for his meetings, cooking him dinner, and making love to him. And she does the job quite well because Joonmyun is someone who is so easy to serve and easy to please.   
  
When she enters his office later on, Baekhyun finds him asleep, head and arms sprawled all over his documents. She sighs somewhat fondly at the sight because Joonmyun works so hard at what he loves to do. It’s such an admirable trait that she can’t bring herself to even so much as chide him for working too hard sometimes.   
  
Joonmyun stirs in his sleep when Baekhyun gently shakes him awake. “What?” he groggily mutters.   
  
“Let’s take you to bed,” she quietly tells him, putting one of his arms around her so she can hoist him up to some extent.   
  
Joonmyun obediently follows and doesn’t protest when Baekhyun starts undressing him when they get to their bedroom. “What about dinner?” he asks, blinking sleepily at her. “You made all that food.”   
  
“It’s okay,” she chuckles. Even at such a time, when he’s halfway through dreamland, he’s still concerned about her. “If you get hungry, we can always heat it up for you.”   
  
He buries himself under the blankets and holds out a hand towards her. “Will you come to bed soon?”   
  
“I’ll just put the food in the fridge and then I will,” she promises him.   
  
“Okay,” he murmurs, already falling asleep with his cheek resting on the pillow. “Don’t take too long.”   
  
Baekhyun can’t help but smile as she lightly closes the bedroom door behind her. As much as possible, Joonmyun wants them to sleep at the same time, even when he has a lot of work to do, which she appreciates because she gets the best sleep when he’s right beside her.   
  
When she finally joins him in bed, Joonmyun immediately finds her and wraps his arms around her.   
  
“What took you so long?” he half grumbles, nuzzling the side of her head.   
  
“I had to let the food cool down before I could store it in the fridge,” she explains with a smile. She turns to face him. “Why are you awake? Were you waiting for me?”   
  
“I can’t sleep without you,” Joonmyun murmurs through her hair.   
  
“That’s the cheesiest line,” Baekhyun scoffs and pinches his cheek. He groans. “You sleep well enough during the weekdays when you…” She clears her throat and chuckles awkwardly. They never talk about their families.   
  
“I don’t,” Joonmyun seriously says, very much awake now. He tilts Baekhyun’s head to make her meet his eyes. “I don’t sleep much during the weekdays. And I only ever sleep well when I’m with you.”   
  
Baekhyun rolls her eyes. It doesn’t really matter to her. She knows what she got herself into. She knows that she only gets half of Joonmyun, that the other half of him will always be back in Seoul with his family.   
  
“Okay,” she says, pushing him lightly to stop being cheesy. “Get some rest.”   
  
“But I’m not sleepy anymore,” he whines, pouting.   
  
“Oh my god, you’re in your thirties and you’re still doing aegyo?” Baekhyun sounds appalled. She pushes him off her. “Go to sleep. You have an early meeting tomorrow.” Joonmyun sighs and sits up. “What are you doing?”   
  
“I think I’ll just go and do some more work,” he shares, getting off the bed. “The faster I finish it, the better.”   
  
“But it’s so late, Joonmyun,” she pleads for him to get back to bed, sitting up.   
  
“Nah.” Joonmyun shakes his head. “There are some structures that I think aren’t erect enough and I have to do something to fix that.”   
  
“At 11 o’clock in the evening,” Baekhyun voices out incredulously. “What could you possibly think of doing to help with that at this hour?”   
  
“This!”   
  
Joonmyun jumps back on the bed, making Baekhyun yelps as he hovers over her. Slowly, he slides down the strap of her top until her left breast is revealed. He then dips his head without warning and sucks it into his mouth. Baekhyun chokes on her own breath as she leans her head back. After a while, he pulls away and stares at her boob, smirking at the pert nipple.   
  
“Now _that’s_ erect,” he says in a very satisfied tone.   
  
“You are insufferable,” Baekhyun comments, suddenly hot and bothered.   
  
“I’m a very good architect, don’t you think?” Joonmyun smirks at her.   
  
“You want to know what’s _not_ erect enough?” Baekhyun joins in on the game. Her hands find their way down Joonmyun’s boxers and on his half-hard length. “This,” she announces, giving it a slight squeeze, causing Joonmyun to moan. “Two can play this game,” she snickers, licking up his ear.   
  
Joonmyun growls and tackles her, making her shriek. “Okay, let’s play.”   
  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
“This is not a good idea,” Baekhyun mutters, glancing around nervously as Joonmyun led her to his office.   
  
It was one of those Fridays where Baekhyun was actually in Incheon for work. She’d come to Joonmyun’s penthouse, which is where she normally stays when she’s in town, after looking through some possible events places in the morning and decided to start taking inventory of the ingredients that Joonmyun had in his kitchen. She was just leaving to go do the groceries when Joonmyun called and asked her if she could bring some files that he’d left behind. So now she’s in Joonmyun’s office, scared out of her mind that people are going to see them together and _talk_. Because, for her, even if she wanted this, even if _they_ wanted this, she didn’t want to ruin his reputation.   
  
“This is a perfectly good idea,” Joonmyun counters with a happy smile as he ushers Baekhyun into his office and closes the door. “You bringing me stuff I left at home and us going out to lunch with some of my colleagues.”   
  
Baekhyun’s eyes fly up to him. “We’re having lunch with your officemates?”   
  
Joonmyun takes the files from Baekhyun’s hands and places them on his desk before standing in front of her and cupping her face with both hands. “Hey, I am not going to keep you a secret forever,” he promises. “We are not going to hide forever.”   
  
“But you can’t just introduce me to your friends. I’m not your wife, Joonmyun,” Baekhyun reminds him. It sends a stabbing sensation straight to her heart but she ignores it. Because it’s true. She isn’t Joonmyun’s wife. “I’m your mi—.”   
  
“You are not my mistress,” Joonmyun cuts her off sternly. He lets go of her and picks up the phone, punching in a couple of numbers. “And we are not having this discussion here. We are having lunch and that’s that.”   
  
Baekhyun stands still as Joonmyun talks to someone on the phone. It’s no use arguing with Joonmyun when his mind is already made up. They never really fought much in the half year they’ve been together. But even if they have, the time that they have together is so limited and so controlled that Baekhyun can’t be bothered to argue with him. Besides, she trusts Joonmyun. Even if she knows getting her hopes up like this is just setting herself up for immense heartbreak, she does trust that he means what he says.   
  
Joonmyun brings her into his arms when he’s done and kisses the crown of her head, and Baekhyun can’t help but be appeased. “It will be okay,” he assures her, pulling away to look at her. “We’re having lunch with Yixing. He’s one of my first friends in the industry and he can be trusted and—.”   
  
Baekhyun kisses him. “You don’t have to explain anything to me,” she tells him with a small smile. “I’d love to meet your friends.”   
  
There’s a knock on the door before it’s opening and someone slightly taller than Joonmyun with longer dark brown hair pokes his head in. It takes Baekhyun a couple of seconds before she recognizes him as one of the attendees in the architectural seminar a couple of months ago.   
  
“Am I interrupting anything?” Yixing asks with an innocent smile on his face.   
  
“Baekhyun, this is Yixing, my friend and colleague,” Joonmyun introduces them with a laugh. “Yixing, this is Baekhyun.”   
  
“Hi,” Baekhyun untangles himself from Joonmyun to shake Yixing’s hand. “I’m Baekhyun, Joonmyun’s, uh…” She glances back at Joonmyun, who merely has his eyebrows raised up in amusement.   
  
“You’re _Baekhyun_ ,” Yixing repeats, smiling warmly. “Trust me, you don’t need an introduction. Joonmyun has told me all about you.”   
  
“Oh?” Baekhyun is surprised, because you don’t normally tell anyone that you have a mistress or that you’re cheating on your spouse.   
  
“Well, I’m going to give these to my secretary, while you two talk about me,” Joonmyun says, walking out of the room with a couple of files, but not before he plants a kiss on Baekhyun’s cheek. Baekhyun flushes a deep red. “I’ll be right back.”   
  
Baekhyun stands there uncomfortably because Joonmyun just advertised very clearly about what their relationship was like in front of Yixing. And while it makes her feel elated, she also can’t help but feel prickly about it. It’s one thing to be together, it’s another thing to be together around people that they know. Especially since they’re not supposed to be with each other.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun blurts out. “He’s overly friendly. We’re not—.”   
  
Yixing chuckles. “Baekhyun, I know,” he tells her. “I’ve known since the two of you met.” Baekhyun swallows in surprise. “And you know the general consensus about these things,” he gently continues, “but, well, I have to say, I haven’t seen Joonmyun this happy before.”   
  
Baekhyun opens her mouth, but closes it again. What can she say, that she’s the same, that she’s relieved he approves? None of those things seem appropriate. So she merely smiles, a blush creeping to her cheeks. There is relief in knowing that there is at least one person who doesn’t and, hopefully, won’t ever condemn them. She thinks back to her friends and wonders whom she can tell who would understand or who would, at least, not judge her so harshly.   
  
“Do you…” Baekhyun bites her lip as a sudden thought comes to her. She’s always been curious but she’s never had the courage to ask Joonmyun. “Do you know his wife, too?”   
  
Yixing shakes his head. “Not really,” he answers, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’ve met her once at a gala, but after that I haven’t seen her around. Joonmyun doesn’t even really talk about her. If you ask me, I think she doesn’t want to be married to him either.”   
  
“Then why did they allow themselves to get married?” Baekhyun asks, baffled.   
  
“They didn’t really have a choice.” Yixing shrugs. “Life is hard when you have too much money. They have reputations to uphold and, of course, they have to have an heir.” Baekhyun’s heart constricts at the thought of Joonmyun’s little boy, a child growing up to a broken home. “I think he’s the only reason why Joonmyun’s still staying.”   
  
Baekhyun doesn’t know what to think of that. Blood is thicker than water. When the time comes, Joonmyun would have to choose between his son and Baekhyun and she thinks she knows what the outcome will be.   
  
“Everything okay in here?” Joonmyun announces as he returns.   
  
“Yeah,” Yixing says with a nod, but glances at Baekhyun.   
  
“Of course,” Baekhyun pipes in.   
  
Joonmyun lifts an eyebrow but says nothing. “Let’s go to lunch then.”   
  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
Sometimes Baekhyun looks at Joonmyun and she can’t help but think that maybe she’s more than a little bit in love with him already. This feeling comes and goes mostly because she forces herself not to think about it. She doesn’t think it’s healthy for her to think of even just the possibility of being in love with Joonmyun. They are two halves of two different wholes. Their situation is impossible to understand or even comprehend, one she’s not sure will have a happy ending, although she does hope for the best.   
  
But when Joonmyun calls her at the end of the day to tell her about his day or when he looks at her then kisses her like she means the world to him or when he even just calls her name, Baekhyun can’t help but give another piece of her heart to him. Baekhyun thinks she’s been starting to give her heart away to Joonmyun ever since he smiled at her at the balcony that day. Now she’s not sure how to take everything back because that’s all she has, that’s all of her. And if Joonmyun takes the pieces with him, how is she ever going to stand by herself?   
  
Still, Baekhyun can’t help herself. She watches fondly as Joonmyun jumps up and down when the last seconds of the exciting soccer game, signaling the win of the Korean National team. He’s wearing his own Park Jisung jersey, complete with backwards cap and a team banner. When Baekhyun looks at him, her heart beats wildly in her chest and she thinks _oh_.    
  
Joonmyun pulls her up from her comfortable position on the sofa and hugs her, twirling her around. “We won!!” he cheers.   
  
“Only because one of the head goals of the other team missed,” Baekhyun shoots back. When Joonmyun told her he was a soccer fan, she did her best to know more about it so that she could discuss it with him sensibly.   
  
Joonmyun stops moving for a second, blinking down at her in surprise, and then he’s laughing and kissing her. “I love you, you know that?” he declares before kissing her once more.   
  
“Joonmyun,” Baekhyun laughs, pulling away. Her eyes are bright at his words.   
  
“I really do,” Joonmyun repeats himself before Baekhyun could talk herself out of the conversation. “I do love you. I’m _in love_ with you, Byun Baekhyun.”   
  
“Joonmyun,” and it feels like the breath is knocked out of her, “You can’t just say things like that.”   
  
Joonmyun frowns. “Why not?” he asks. “I mean it.” He leans his forehead against hers and she closes her eyes. “I think I’ve been a little bit in love with you since you walked up to me and gave me my name tag.”   
  
“You’re such a cheeseball,” she tells him, trying to be funny. “Stop talking.” But she opens her eyes and she sees just how serious he is. “Joonmyun,” she starts, trying to tell him what she’s feeling, how confessions like this frighten her, how they get her hopes up, how they’re both just setting themselves up for a long fall.   
  
“I know,” Joonmyun sighs through her lips. “I know it’s scary, but I can’t help it anymore. You are everything I’ve dreamed of, Baekhyun.” He brushes her hair away from her face and tucks it behind her ears. “You are perfect, for me. Mine.”   
  
Baekhyun stands on tiptoe and practically lunges onto him, kissing him feverishly. She may be afraid to say the words, afraid say the name of what they have out loud, but that doesn’t mean she’s not going to show it to him. She does love Joonmyun. She is in love with him. And she wants to show him just how much.   
  
Joonmyun’s hands are wandering underneath her top when she pulls away. He stares at her in confusion. “What?”   
  
“You are not going to make love to me in your national team soccer gear,” Baekhyun tells him rather sternly, a glint in her eyes.   
  
If she is honest, she wants to scream to the world just how happy she is. Because Joonmyun loves her. Because this handsome, perfect man takes care of her, kisses her and tells her how beautiful she is everyday. Because this man… willingly takes his clothes off for her.   
  
“What are you doing!” Baekhyun shrieks when she looks at Joonmyun and sees that he’s only in his boxers, the pieces of his clothing scattered around the living room.   
  
“You said we can’t have sex if I have my soccer clothes on so I took them off!” Joonmyun rationalizes. “I want you, Baek!” He gestures to the tent in his boxers.   
  
Baekhyun shakes her head as she steps closer to him. “Just moments ago you were cheering ecstatically for the Korean national team and now you’re hard,” she snickers. She turns the red cap that’s still on his head so that the shade is in front and pulls him down with it.   
  
“For you,” Joonmyun clarifies impatiently, gripping her waist. “I’m hard for _you_.”   
  
Baekhyun steadies him with a look. “Good to know you’re not hard for Park Jisung,” she responds before she’s kissing him.   
  
Later on, when Joonmyun’s asleep, she whispers her _I love yous_ through the small kisses she leaves on his lips.   
  
  
  
  
  
-   
  
  
  
  
  
There is always the danger of someone catching them together. Joonmyun and Baekhyun go out too much in Incheon, holding hands and kissing each other without shame, that it’s impossible no one could catch them. But no one really does. Baekhyun isn’t sure if it’s because they’re in another city that no one expects to see them there or if they’re just really lucky. But it gives her some sort of relief that Incheon is their little bubble, their haven to be together.   
  
Baekhyun stops pushing the cart in the middle of the chips aisle and just watches Joonmyun load it with all the junk food that he can hold in his hands. He puts in corn chips, potato chips, and adds with it packs of chocolates and candies.   
  
“Are you planning on stuffing Hyunjin with… these when you meet up with him?” Baekhyun shakes her head. “You’re supposed to be the role model.”   
  
“Hyunjin likes sweets and chips,” Joonmyun smiles fondly at the mention of his son. “Besides, he always complains that his mom feeds him vegetables all the time. I want him to live a little.” He throws another pack of shrimp chips in the cart. “And _we’re_ meeting him.”   
  
Baekhyun almost rams the cart to Joonmyun’s back. “What?” she weakly asks. “What do you mean _we_?”   
  
“I mean _we_ ,” Joonmyun repeats, starting to get confused. “I want him to meet you.”   
  
“Joonmyun, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Baekhyun starts, her heart pounding in her chest.   
  
Slowly but noticeably, Joonmyun has been merging his other life with his life with her. He’s been introducing her to some friends, certain colleagues, that she really doesn’t know how to deal with sometimes. It’s not that she doesn’t want it. Of course she does because it means that Joonmyun is truly serious about her. But this, letting her meet his son. It feels too much, too dangerous.   
  
“Why?” Joonmyun is frowning at her and behind it, Baekhyun sees that he’s hurt.   
  
“Because letting your son meet your mistress is never a good idea,” she reminds him rather emphatically, glancing around them to check if anyone is within earshot.   
  
“You are _not_ my mistress,” Joonmyun states. “How many times do I have to tell you that?”   
  
“Joonmyun,” Baekhyun sighs exasperatedly, but she merely lets out a breath and shakes her head. “Let’s talk about this later.”   
  
Joonmyun luckily drops it and they continue with their grocery shopping. Baekhyun is by the checking counter, while Joonmyun runs back to get some steak sauce. Joonmyun bought so much junk food that Baekhyun rolls her eyes. When it comes to his son, Joonmyun really goes all out all the time. It’s a cute trait, but it’s also an expensive one.   
  
She’s in the middle of unloading their groceries onto the checking counter when she looks up and suddenly sees Jongin. Jongin, Joonmyun’s best friend. Baekhyun’s heart seizes in her chest and she immediately looks around to look for Joonmyun so she can warn him off not to come close to her. If Jongin is here, there’s a big possibility that Chanyeol is, too. And Chanyeol is Kris’s best friend. Feeling like she’s going to have a heart attack, she watches as Jongin goes through the different cups of noodles, obviously deciding which one to buy.   
  
“What are you doing?” Joonmyun asks, placing the bottle of steak sauce on the counter then sliding his arms around her waist and pressing her back to his chest. He brushes her hair aside and starts kissing her nape.   
  
Baekhyun tries to push him away as discreetly as she could. “Stop,” she hisses. When she looks again, Jongin is gone.   
  
“What’s wrong?” Joonmyun asks, immediately knowing that something’s wrong.   
  
“I saw Jongin,” Baekhyun tells him, panicked. She requests the cashier to check the items out faster because they’re in a hurry. “He’s here somewhere. We have to go.”   
  
“Go and wait in the car,” Joonmyun says, giving her the car keys.   
  
As Baekhyun sits in the car, she squeezes her eyes shut and buries her face in her hands. How could they think that they could ever get away with this? How could they believe so blindly that they could carry on a relationship and no one would ever find out? Sooner or later, and it seems to be sooner now, someone they’re keeping it from, someone from his friends or hers, is going to know. And then things will get ugly.   
  
She has truly considered confiding in Lu Han or Kyungsoo But just the thought of the looks on their faces when they find out, when they realize that Baekhyun is doing something that is so out of character for her, she couldn’t even bring herself to start speaking. She hasn’t even spoken to them that much ever since this whole thing started. All they talk about is work, because she doesn’t want to let slip anything that might incriminate her.   
  
Baekhyun loves Joonmyun. She would do anything for him, would climb mountains and cross oceans for him if he asked her to. But, suddenly, their future seems unclear. How is she ever going to let him go?

 

 

 

 

-  
  
  
  
  
  
“Baekhyun?” Joonmyun’s voice comes through the line. “Where are you? I just got home and you’re not here. Did you buy food?”  
  
Baekhyun takes a deep breath as she makes herself comfortable on Kyungsoo’s sofa. “I’m not coming,” she quietly says, eyeing Kyungsoo, who’s busy in the kitchen. “I have this thing and I can’t go this weekend.”  
  
“What thing?” Joonmyun sounds upset and Baekhyun can’t blame him. She didn’t give word that she wasn’t going to be there.  
  
“Just… a thing,” Baekhyun lamely explains. “I’m with Kyungsoo. She’s cooking for us in her apartment. Lu Han’s arriving in a bit.” She plays with the loose threads of Kyungsoo’s throw pillow and ignores how her chest seems to be hurting. Joonmyun doesn’t deserve this, but if she doesn’t slowly ease themselves out of it, it’s just going to hurt more.  
  
“Baekhyun, what is this about?” Joonmyun then asks. Baekhyun thinks she hears the jingling of his set of keys and a door closing.  
  
Baekhyun shuts her eyes and breathes deeply once again. “Maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a bit.” _Or anymore._ There. She’s said it. It’s best to be straightforward outright so there won’t be any misunderstandings. She hates that she’s doing it on the phone, but she doesn’t think she’d be able to go through with it if he’s standing right in front of her.  
  
“What are you saying?” Joonmyun’s voice is rough. She hears another door slamming. “Baekhyun, you can’t just—is this about the other day? Jongin didn’t see us. If he had, he would have called me and confronted me.”  
  
“I just think this has gone too far,” Baekhyun softly explains. “I don’t want us to regret anything so maybe it’s best if we take a bit of a break.”  
  
“You can’t just decide these things for yourself,” Joonmyun barks. There’s honking in the background and Baekhyun wonders if Joonmyun decided to go for a walk to calm himself down. “That is not what a relationship is.”  
  
Baekhyun covers her eyes with a hand as tears prickle in her eyes. “This isn’t a proper relationship, Joonmyun,” she tells him as quietly as she can. “We can’t keep on doing this. I don’t want to destroy your family. Your little boy, Hyunjin, I don’t want him to grow up in a broken home.”   
  
When she starts crying, she immediately looks for Kyungsoo in the kitchen. But Kyungsoo isn’t there to her relief. Baekhyun gets up and moves to the balcony, sliding the glass doors closed. Breaking up is always painful. But breaking up when you’re not exactly sure if what you had was genuine just makes her heart want to burst into pieces. This isn’t necessarily a break up, but this feels exactly like that.  
  
“Baekhyun, we have to talk about this!” Joonmyun demands.  
  
“No,” Baekhyun makes up her mind. She breathes a shaky breath as her tears start to overcome her. “Let’s just stop this for a while. Take care, Joonmyun.” Before he can even reply, she ends the call.  
  
Hiding her emotions is never her strongest suit, but Baekhyun thinks she does really well when Lu Han arrives and they start eating together. Sometimes she thinks Kyungsoo glances at her rather worriedly, but Baekhyun merely smiles back at her and continues on with the chatter.  
  
In the middle of dessert, Baekhyun’s phone starts ringing incessantly. She ignores it for a while before Lu Han barks at her to just answer it already. Baekhyun grabs her phone from the living room and answers it without checking who was calling.  
  
“I’m downstairs,” Joonmyun’s voice comes through. “We need to talk. Come down or I’ll come up.”  
  
Baekhyun stares at her phone as Joonmyun hangs up.  
  
“Is everything okay?” Lu Han calls from the kitchen.  
  
“Yeah,” Baekhyun answers promptly, coming out of her reverie. She picks up her bag and coat. “But I have to go. I’ll text you if I’m coming back.”  
  
“Where are you going so suddenly?” Lu Han asks.  
  
“Just out.” Baekhyun can’t think of a proper excuse at the moment. “I’m sorry. And Kyungsoo, your cooking was amazing as usual.” Kyungsoo merely nods and smiles at her.  
  
Baekhyun hurriedly leaves the apartment.  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
Joonmyun is standing with his back to the apartment when Baekhyun comes out. His posture is stiff and tense, his hands shoved in his pockets. She slowly walks down the steps and warily approaches him. She knows she’s angered him, very rightfully so, but she’s more afraid that she wouldn’t be able to say no if he asks her to stay.  
  
“Joonmyun,” Baekhyun calmly lets him know she’s there, placing a hand on his arm.  
  
He spins around and faces her. Before she can say anything else, Joonmyun’s lips are on hers, unyielding and demanding. His arms wrap around her tightly and hold her firmly close. She squirms under his ministrations, squeezing her eyes shut as a sudden fear racks through her. Suddenly, it’s like he’s Kris with how he’s holding her so tightly it’s almost bruising.  
  
“I love you,” Joonmyun declares when he pulls away and looks into her eyes. “I _know_ you feel the same way even though you’ve never said it. This relationship is real no matter what you might think, and the way a relationship works well is through good communication.”  
  
“Joonmyun, stop,” Baekhyun feebly pleads, taking a step back.  
  
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun continues, running a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. “You can’t just not show up and then break up with me through the phone. I was expecting you to be home because I had something to tell you and then you tell me that you’re breaking up with me?”  
  
Joonmyun sounds so devastated that Baekhyun doesn’t quite know what to say. How does she pursue breaking up with a man she is so deeply in love with? How does she leave a relationship that she’s invested so much of her emotions and time in? If the three months that she’d forced herself to forget him is too little, a year of being in love with this man is now too much for her to let go.  
  
“Joonmyun, I don’t know what to say,” Baekhyun whispers brokenly. “I don’t know what to tell you.”  
  
“Tell me that you love me,” Joonmyun practically begs. “Tell me that you’ll stay.” Baekhyun manages to shake her head. “We can be together, you know. We can run away and live our lives far from here. I can file for divorce then and I can always visit my son in time.” He reaches for both of Baekhyun’s hands. “I want to be with _you_ , Baekhyun. You are my fairy tale. You are my happily ever after.”  
  
The offer is tempting. Baekhyun allows herself to imagine a life with Joonmyun, where he’s divorced and she’s separated from Kris. She allows herself to see them having a family together and being free to love each other. It is a beautiful life, but it is also painful because of it. Baekhyun knows it’s not possible.  
  
“I can’t,” Baekhyun softly states, shaking her head and pulling her hands away from him.  
  
Joonmyun grabs her wrist. “Just think about it,” he demands.  
  
Baekhyun freezes up and fights to free herself from his grasp. “Joonmyun, you’re hurting me,” she whimpers and somehow this just sends her over the edge. Joonmyun immediately lets go, eyes wide.  
  
“Baekhyun, I’m sorry,” Joonmyun hurriedly apologizes because he wasn’t even gripping her that hard. “I—“   
  
“I’m fine.” Baekhyun shakes her head, taking another step back. “I’m sorry,” she then whispers, tucking her hands in the pockets of her coat. “This is not a fairy tale.” Baekhyun fixes her bag strap on her shoulder and tightens her coat around her. “Goodbye, Joonmyun.”  
  
And for the second time in her life, Baekhyun walks away from Joonmyun.  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
There are many things that Baekhyun has walked away from. There have been educational and occupational opportunities, but also opportunities for friendships and connections. She thinks it has something to do with how she’s married to Kris and how he hinders practically every aspect of her life just by the way she’s so afraid of him. Kris is ruthless when he wants to be, which, in her case, is all the time. There are so many things she’s missed out on purposefully because she didn’t want her husband to get angry, which usually results in some form of violence.  
  
Baekhyun thinks this whole thing with Joonmyun is a lot like that. Being with Joonmyun was an opportunity for herself, to get out, experience things she never has before, like falling in love and being loved. It’s interesting how she had managed not to talk herself out of it for quite some time, even if knowing that Kris catching her would be detrimental. But she did it anyway because what else was there for her to lose? Joonmyun was kind of her one chance to live. And now that chance is gone.  
  
She can still remember the way he looked when she said goodbye. Joonmyun looked like he was truly heartbroken, like he could barely imagine life without Baekhyun by his side. Baekhyun knows because she felt it, too. Now that she’s known how beautiful and wonderful life and love could be like, letting it go was devastating. She had found this perfect man, who has fallen in love with her, and now she’s letting him go. Baekhyun really isn’t sure how she managed to do it.  
  
Except there was this one moment when Baekhyun looked into Joonmyun’s eyes and he was so _angry_. And anger, something she’s had to terrifyingly deal with almost all her life, is something she can’t handle from someone she loves. So, even if she knew that Joonmyun would never ever hurt her, which helped with the decision, Baekhyun walked away from him. It was unfair but it was the one thing she could hold on to that would make her leave him.  
  
Baekhyun closes her eyes and wraps her arms around herself. Joonmyun always knew how to keep her warm. He always kept close with how he sent her messages, called her up and kissed her just to tell her he loves her and just how much. At the very least it’s good that Baekhyun’s received so much of it from Joonmyun. There is much for her to tuck deep in her heart.  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
The apartment is quiet when Baekhyun comes home. She hasn’t really been calling it ‘home’ anymore. It’s just a place where she sleeps and makes dinner for her husband who is never there. She and Kris never really talked after their last altercation. He was gone most of the time, as he normally was, sleeping elsewhere, while she was with Joonmyun. Baekhyun has wondered whether he was cheating on her, but she figured that Kris would never. He may be violent, but he still can be faithful. So she’s never done anything about it because Kris’s temper is a frightening thing to challenge and she wasn’t brave enough. She wonders what Kris would do if he found out that she’s been cheating on him. She rids her head of such thoughts. It’s too much at the moment. With the loss of Joonmyun, she has to concentrate on not having a breakdown.  
  
“Hey,” she greets Kris when she sees him in their bedroom, avoiding going near him for even just a kiss on the cheek. Kris isn’t really the affectionate type anyway. “Have you been home long?”  
  
“Yes,” Kris answers roughly, not even looking up to acknowledge her, randomly flipping through a magazine. “There is no food.”  
  
“I’ll make some for you right now,” Baekhyun says, depositing her things on her vanity table before going to the kitchen.  
  
“Where have you been?” Kris follows after her, leaning on the kitchen doorway with his arms crossed over his chest.  
  
“I had dinner with Kyungsoo and Lu Han,” Baekhyun answers, taking out the pots and pans she would need. “Why?”  
  
“Where do you go when you’re out of town?” Kris presses. “What do you do?”  
  
“You know we’ve been scouting for more partners and suppliers all over the country,” Baekhyun explains as she puts water on one of the pots and places it over the stove. “I’ve been assigned in Incheon and I’ve been going to meetings trying to get events places and suppliers from there to partner with us.”  
  
“And you haven’t been meeting with anyone else?” Kris continues.  
  
Baekhyun almost turns around in alarm, but she manages not to. Her heart is suddenly pounding in her chest. Kris has never been this interested in her job before so this line of questioning is definitely cause of major concern.  
  
“Well, Lu Han and Kyungsoo, as well some of the members of our team come with me sometimes,” Baekhyun elaborates. “How’s work? Any interesting operations lately?” she then asks. It’s probably better to steer the conversation away from her.  
  
“So… when I mention a certain Kim Joonmyun to you, it won’t mean anything?” Kris casually continues, ignoring her question.  
  
Baekhyun’s grip on the spatula tightens. “Kim Joonmyun?” she repeats as indifferently as she can. “If I remember correctly, he was Jongin’s best man.” Swallowing nervously, she dares ask, “Why?”  
  
Kris shrugs, pushing himself off the doorway and walking to the fridge to grab a beer. “Chanyeol had just mentioned that you two had been talking when I called her then to offer my congratulations,” he shares. “Is he a client now?”  
  
“Yes,” Baekhyun lies. “He’s under Lu Han’s accounts, actually.” She takes a deep breath as inconspicuously as possible and lets herself remember that Jongin didn’t see them that day at the grocery. Because if he did then he would have called Joonmyun and he didn’t. So Jongin didn’t see them. They didn’t get caught.  
  
“So you’ve never had any meetings with him?” Kris is standing right beside the counter by this time, so much closer to Baekhyun that it makes her shudder. “Like in Incheon. Because I heard that his job is pretty much making him stay there.”  
  
“I… no, not really,” Baekhyun manages to say. She’s broken up with Joonmyun. If Kris asks her, Baekhyun can say that she isn’t seeing Joonmyun, that she isn’t cheating on Kris, and it would be the truth.  
  
Kris chuckles. “Really? You see Chanyeol told me the funniest thing,” he continues as if he doesn’t notice Baekhyun being uncomfortable about how their conversation is going. “She said that she and Jongin saw you going grocery shopping with this Kim Joonmyun a couple of days back. In Incheon!” He laughs. “Of all places. I mean, why would you go grocery shopping in Incheon, right? And with someone who’s not even your client. We never even get groceries together.” This statement seems to make Kris realize something and he stares at his wife. “Baekhyun?”  
  
Baekhyun slowly turns around to face him. “I wasn’t going grocery shopping with him. It just so happened that I was there and he was there and—“  
  
“Do you know how many lies it takes to cover up for one lie before it blows up in your face?” Kris interrupts her.  
  
“Kris, I am not lying to you,” Baekhyun insists. “I am not seeing him—“  
  
“Now, who said anything about you seeing him?” Kris lifts an eyebrow, a smirk slowly forming on his face. His approach towards her is slow and deliberate. He reaches out and trails a finger down the side of her face. “My perfect and saintly wife wouldn’t ever commit adultery, not when she’s been working so hard to please her husband.” He places his finger under her chin and lifts her face up so she would look at him.  
  
“Kris,” Baekhyun tries to speak.  
  
“Wives who cheat on their husbands are despicable whores and you aren’t one, right, Baekhyun?” Kris dismisses her.  
  
Baekhyun slaps Kris’s hand away, her gaze turning steely. “How dare you,” she snaps. “You’re implying that I’m a despicable whore? What about you then? What do you have to say for yourself?”  
  
“What are you talking about?” Kris scoffs.  
  
“You’re the one who’s been cheating on me,” Baekhyun accuses him. Despite not having actual proof, there has always been nagging feeling in her that he is and that he might have always been. “I’ve seen your clothes. They always smell like some woman’s perfume and you’re always gone. I dare you to deny it!”  
  
Kris merely looks at her passively for a minute before shrugging and smiling. “What are you going to do about it?”  
  
“You’re a bastard!” Baekhyun yells, raising her hand to slap him.  
  
Kris catches her wrist and grips it hard. “You call _me_ a bastard? Can you blame me?” Baekhyun’s eyes widen in disbelief. “Do you see what I have to come home to everyday?”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Baekhyun retorts, painfully untangling her wrist from Kris’s grasp. “I do everything for you. I take care of our home, I cook for you and make sure that all your clothes are washed and pressed. I—“  
  
“And what, you’re asking for something in return?” Kris barks.   
  
“Of course not,” Baekhyun returns heatedly. “Those are the things I willingly do because I’m your wife. All I want is for you to be here, to be around to talk to me, ask me how my day was and listen. All I wanted is for you to be my _husband_.”  
  
“I am your husband,” Kris proclaims. “I married you if you’ve forgotten. That should be enough for you.”  
  
Baekhyun’s hand finally connects to Kris’s face and she stumbles back as Kris advances on her afterwards. “You are repulsive,” she throws at him as tears start to form in her eyes.  
  
Kris grabs her arm. “Is Joonmyun more of a husband than I am? Does he ask you how your day was and listen to you ramble and then fuck you senseless like how you let me?”  
  
“Let me go.” Baekhyun struggles to push him away.  
  
“Does he?” Kris insists relentlessly.  
  
“I have been doing everything I can to fix this marriage,” Baekhyun whimpers as Kris clenches her arm even tighter. “I keep thinking that one day you’ll come to your senses and become the man that I once married. What happened to you?”  
  
“ _You_ happened to me, that’s what.” Kris lets her go and her back hits the counter. He paces around and runs a hand through his hair. “You’re always nagging at me, asking me where I am, what time I’ll get home… I’m a doctor. I don’t have the luxury of too much time for the trivial things. I have lives to save.”  
  
“So you just decided you’ll let this marriage die? Is that it?” Baekhyun interjects. “How very noble of you.” She shakes her head. “I have been trying, Kris. But I am so tired.”  
  
Kris fixes a livid gaze at her. “So is that why you’ve been cheating on me?”  
  
“I am not—“  
  
Baekhyun sees Kris’s hand coming at her in slow motion. There is no time to duck or run and she merely squeezes her eyes shut as his hand hits what feels like is the whole side of her head. The impact is loud and severe and agonizing. Baekhyun hits the counter and falls to the floor, feeling dizzy and faint.  
  
“DON’T LIE TO ME!” Kris bellows, staring her down. “Chanyeol saw you! Jongin saw you!” He crouches down and grabs a chunk of her hair. She cries out in pain, struggling for him to release her. “Did you think you could make a fool out of me?”  
  
“You’re the fool if you thought you could keep me subservient forever,” Baekhyun manages to get out, despite the intense throbbing on both her face and head. “I am supposed to be your wife. I’m not some person you can just order around and use to please you whenever. I am not your slave.” Kris releases her and Baekhyun stands up through the ache in her whole body. She grips the counter as she defiantly glares at him.   
  
Kris merely laughs. “No matter what, Baekhyun. You will always belong to me. I’ve made sure of that with every mark I’ve made on your body.”  
  
Baekhyun ignores him and walks out of the kitchen with a bit of difficulty but with her head held high. She grabs her bag and coat and leaves. Outside of the apartment, she stares at the door of what she’s considered her home once upon a time. “No,” Baekhyun boldly whispers to herself. “I don’t belong to you.” She gets her phone from her bag and dials a number she’s etched onto memory.  
  
Baekhyun meant what she said. She doesn’t know why it’s taken her this long to stand up to Kris. But she guesses, in spite of Lu Han’s constant lectures, that it’s been ingrained in her that marriages are supposed to endure anything. Not this time, though, she promises herself as the line connects.  
  
“Joonmyun, I changed my mind.”  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekhyun and Joonmyun ease back into each other’s lives as if the past couple of weeks hadn’t happened, as if Baekhyun hadn’t tried to leave him and as if Joonmyun hadn’t almost let her go. Joonmyun has been especially careful with her. It’s clear that he has taken her claim of him hurting her to heart, and Baekhyun knows that the last thing Joonmyun wants to become is someone like Kris, whom Baekhyun has grown to abhor.  
  
“Hey, what do you think of this?” Baekhyun asks, sliding into Joonmyun’s lap without warning and showing him a picture of a cozy cottage. They’ve been looking at houses and places they could stay at in Daegu.  
  
As soon as they settled back into the rhythm of their relationship, they immediately started planning their getaway. Joonmyun is taking care of their train tickets and other financial aspects, while Baekhyun packs away their life in Incheon and searches for a place for them to stay before they figure out their next move.  
  
Joonmyun, in the middle of going through some contracts, doesn’t even blink and just wraps his arms around her waist. He rests his chin on her shoulder and looks at the photo. “Looks good,” he says.  
  
Baekhyun pouts. “That’s what you always say,” she complains. “I could show you a waiting shed as a place for us to live in and you would say still say ‘looks good’.”  
  
Joonmyun laughs, nudging her to make her look at him. He reaches up to pull her face down so he could kiss her. “Didn’t I say that it doesn’t matter?” he says, the words lingering on her lips. “I would go anywhere with you.”  
  
“Cheeseball,” Baekhyun mutters, rolling her eyes. She then slaps his chest with her left hand, absent of a ring. She had stopped wearing her wedding ring when her divorce with Kris started moving forward. “I’m serious, Joonmyun. We need to decide on a place. We can’t live in a hotel room for that long.”  
  
“That really wouldn’t be a problem, you know,” Joonmyun gently reminds her. It’s something that he rarely does because he really doesn’t like talking that much about money. “We can stay at a hotel while we look for a more permanent place. Besides,” he carries on, “didn’t we talk about Paris and New York?”  
  
“Paris, New York, Italy, Spain,” Baekhyun recounts, leaning her forehead against his. She closes her eyes and relishes their closeness. It feels surreal being with Joonmyun again, back in his embrace. She really never thought that they would end up together, that their plans would push through, that he would actually leave everything for her.  
  
“Where do you want to go?” Joonmyun leans forward to press a kiss to her lips. His eyes are open, watching her eyelashes flutter over her cheeks.  
  
“I don’t care. As long as we’re together,” she honestly states as she returns his kiss then pulls away. “I can be cheesy, too.” Baekhyun wiggles her eyebrows up and down.  
  
Joonmyun laughs and hugs her tight, burying his face in her neck. “God, I love you,” he professes.  
  
Baekhyun smiles and presses a kiss on the crown of his head. Joonmyun is so perfect. She really can’t believe someone like him exists and that he loves her. He’s like Baekhyun’s own prince charming. She can’t help but roll her eyes at the thought. Still. Maybe fairy tales did exist after all.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekhyun and Joonmyun’s set date finally comes soon enough. Baekhyun fusses around their apartment and checks through her list and their things again and again lest she forgets anything. She doesn’t want to forget anything important, like tickets and passports and bankbooks. When she’s satisfied that she has everything, she places a call to the lobby to call for a cab around thirty minutes from now.  
  
Joonmyun is arriving soon. Baekhyun glances at the clock and takes a seat at the covered sofa. When they had parted the week before, they had kissed and made love, excited at the fact that they will be together with considerably less difficulty than before. They are fulfilling their happy ending.  
  
She looks around the apartment and is amazed at how big and cold it is in its emptiness. The furniture is still there, but all the pictures and clothes that are normally lying around, Joonmyun’s papers and documents, Baekhyun’s files, they’re no longer there. And just the absence of the human touch makes the whole place unlived.  
  
Glancing at the clock again, she decides to bring their bags to the main hall. Joonmyun is arriving soon and then they’ll be on their way. Their train for Daegu leaves in about two hours. She can’t help but smile at the thought. This whole thing started as incredibly wrong but, somehow, things are starting to turn out right. It’s starting to be right just as how it felt right.  
  
Shortly, Joonmyun walks in. He greets Baekhyun with a kiss, but makes a sudden beeline for the fridge where he’s sure there are still a couple of bottles of beer. He opens one up and guzzles half of it down.  
  
“Is everything okay?” Baekhyun asks, palms flat on the kitchen counter. When he doesn’t respond, she merely smiles. “I’ve called the cab a couple of minutes ago, the concierge will buzz us when it’s here. Are you hungry?” she then asks, running back to the hall to get the food she’d packed for them and returns with it to the kitchen. “We can eat before we go. I mean, the travel’s pretty long, so I think it would be better if we had a bite to eat.”   
  
She looks up at Joonmyun. He looks like he hasn’t moved but his beer bottle is now empty. Something like uncertainty creeps up under her skin, but she ignores it.  
  
“Joonmyun,” she calls him and his eyes find hers, “what’s wrong?”  
  
Baekhyun already knows what Joonmyun’s going to say before he even opens his mouth. She knows because she sensed it the moment he walked in. Joonmyun was even more excited about leaving with her than Baekhyun was. That’s why he took care of most of the arrangements. He wanted to have a hand in building their new life together. She swallows back the lump in her throat as he starts to speak.  
  
“I can’t do this,” Joonmyun rasps, voice breaking. “I…” Baekhyun takes a step back and shakes her head, avoiding his gaze. “I thought I could. I thought I could leave everything behind. But Hyunjin...”  
  
Baekhyun doesn’t move. Her grip on the counter tightens so much that her knuckles whiten. She had always known that it would come to this. She knew that it would never be her. Baekhyun has always known that Joonmyun would always choose his son. Blood was thicker than water. And she’s not even his wife.  
  
“Baekhyun, I’m sorry,” Joonmyun’s voice is thick as if he’s about to cry. He reaches out for her but she slaps his arm away.  
  
“Don’t touch me,” Baekhyun snaps. She looks at him, her eyes filled with hurt, but also of anger and betrayal, that he almost flinches away.  
  
But Joonmyun gathers her in his arms and buries his face in her hair. “I’m sorry,” he sobs, his eyes filling with tears.  
  
“ _Don’t touch me!_ ” Baekhyun screams, trying to push him away. “ _Get away from me!_ ”  
  
She tries and tries to put as much distance between them. But Joonmyun keeps on holding on to her. It’s ironic how Joonmyun is the one letting go and yet he’s the one clinging onto Baekhyun. It’s ironic how Joonmyun is the one who suggested that they run away and live their lives away from there and how he’s the one suddenly backing down and saying he can’t do it. Baekhyun can’t explain how she feels. But it’s strangely like offering her heart to someone freely and openly and asking them to keep it and hold it in their hands, only to have those same hands crush it to smithereens.  
  
He promised her. Joonmyun promised her. He had told her again and again that he loved her, that he would do anything for her, that he would run away with her. Joonmyun told her that he didn’t care about leaving his life in Seoul behind because he wanted a new one that included Baekhyun in it. And she believed him! Baekhyun had let herself go. She let her heart take the reigns and ignored her brain telling her that this wasn’t going to end well. Baekhyun never used to care about princess stories and how they got the prince in the end, but Joonmyun made her believe that that could happen for her.  
  
“You told me we could do this,” Baekhyun says, voice steady, going limp in his arms. “You made me believe… You said…” Her words dissolve into the air as she tries to rationalize her pain and what’s happening. But she just can’t. It hurts too much. It hurts so much that she doesn’t even know how she’s going to cry over this.  
  
“Everything that I’ve told you is true,” Joonmyun hushes her, pressing her head close to his chest. He kisses her head. “I do want to get away. I do want a life with you. I love you, Baekhyun. I—“  
  
Baekhyun pushes him backwards with all her might and slaps his face with as much force as she can muster. Joonmyun stands there, stunned. She then turns on her heel and gathers her things.  
  
“Baekhyun,” Joonmyun tries to stop her.  
  
“ _Stay away from me!_ ” Baekhyun’s demand is absolute and uncompromising.  
  
Baekhyun looks at Joonmyun, looks at the man she fell in love with, the man she compromised her morals for, the man she bent over backwards for. She thinks about all the times they spent together having fun and laughing and just being in love. Baekhyun has never been herself with anyone else the way she was with Joonmyun. With him, it felt like things were possible. She started to believe in his dreams of fairy tales and happy endings because he seemed to want it so much with her. Now she’s proven it. There are no happy endings. There is no such thing as a happily ever after.  
  
But how she loves him. No matter what she does, no matter how angry she is, Baekhyun can’t deny the fact that she is in love with Joonmyun. So, even if she’s angry, angry that he got her hopes up, she walks towards him and places her palms on his cheeks. Joonmyun looks at her as if searching her face for something that she knows he’s been waiting for. With trembling fingers, she reaches up to close his eyes.  
  
“Joonmyun,” Baekhyun softly, but clearly speaks. She traces the lines of Joonmyun’s face with her eyes. “I do love you.” Her voice cracks as she finally confesses her feelings for him. “I hope you know that even if I’ve never said it.”  
  
Joonmyun’s eyes fly open, wet with tears as he pulls her to him for another kiss. It speaks so much of regret and shattered dreams. “I love you,” he desperately declares, “so much.”  
  
It takes much effort, but Baekhyun manages to pull away. She can’t stay. She can’t be here any longer because she was never supposed to be a part of his life in this way anyway.  
  
As the elevator doors close, Baekhyun sees Joonmyun sag to the floor, face buried in his hands, shoulders shaking with his sobs. She averts her gaze as she feels her heart breaking all over again. And when the doors finally close, she breaks down and cries.  
  
Maybe someday they will find their happily ever after.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
The café is full of people, hence the high level of noise. Baekhyun makes a face as she realizes that there are no free tables. Thinking about just taking her coffee and donut to go, she sees the semi-long lines to the counters and just sighs. It’s as to be expected of a popular hangout spot. She really should have gone earlier, but she’s here anyway so she might as well wait patiently and buy.  
  
Her phone vibrates and she immediately picks up when she sees who it is. “Han,” she answers. “I’m at the coffee shop, waiting for my turn. Yeah, I’ll get you a bagel. What about the others? Alright, see you in a couple.”  
  
It’s been a while since she’s been here, a year—more than a year. Not much has changed. Maybe a few decors and there’s been a bit of an expansion, but other than that, the place is the same. Even most of the baristas from when she used to frequent the place are still there. One of the baristas she’s more familiar with catches her eye and he smiles and waves at her to come to the side.  
  
“Hi, Ryeowook!” she warmly greets him.  
  
“Baekhyun!” Ryeowook returns the warm greetings and hugs her. “How have you been? I haven’t seen you in so long!”  
  
“Almost two years,” Baekhyun laughs in agreement.  
  
“Well, it’s good to see you back,” Ryeowook winks at her. “What will you have?”  
  
Baekhyun places her order and waits patiently as Ryeowook leaves to prepare them. She looks around, noticing how the café is noticeably quieter and calmer. People have jobs to get to after all. She sighs as she looks at a specific corner. It’s a place that used to be filled laughter, specifically hers and—  
  
The bell signals a new customer and Baekhyun looks up. She pales as she sees who just walked in.  
  
“No,” Baekhyun whispers to herself, panicked. She hurriedly looks around for a place to hide herself and make her as inconspicuous as possible. She spies a table with a lone nerdy-looking, chiseled faced guy seated and parks herself on the empty seat across from him.  
  
“Hey,” he starts to protest.  
  
“Shh,” she insists, glaring at him. He immediately shuts up.  
  
So Baekhyun sits there and makes herself as small as possible. It’s not that she’s not over Joonmyun; she is. It’s just that they haven’t seen each other since they parted ways and she’s not sure she’s ready to see him again, and here, too, of all places. She knew taking the assignment in Incheon was a mistake.  
  
“Here you go, Baekhyun,” and Baekhyun cringes as Ryeowook practically yells her name and announces her presence to the whole world. Ryeowook places her orders on the table, all in their proper bags and holders. “Hope you come by again soon. It’s really nice to see you again.”  
  
“You, too,” Baekhyun weakly responds and gives him a withering stare when he finally has his back turned towards her when he returns behind the counter.  
  
It takes her a couple of seconds to gather herself, knowing that she looks ridiculous if the way the chiseled face in front of her is judging her is anything to go by. Baekhyun counts to a slow ten before she decides she’s going to just grab the bull by the balls and face her damn fear. Or Joonmyun, in this case.  
  
As soon as she turns around, she sees Joonmyun standing right in front of her. She almost drops her coffee and pastries if it weren’t for her kind-hearted table-mate who catches them for her.  
  
“Baekhyun.” The way Joonmyun says her name is still the same, like it’s precious and he wants to cherish it, and all of a sudden, it’s as if the whole year and a half hadn’t gone by without them. “Fancy seeing you here.”  
  
“Joonmyun, hi,” Baekhyun greets back, hating that she sounds out of breath. “How are you?”  
  
“Good,” he answers and gives her that smile that she still sees in her dreams sometimes. “I’ve been well. What are you doing here?”  
  
“Work,” she chuckles. “We have this event to host the day after next and we’re doing preps. “You’re still with the same firm?”  
  
Joonmyun nods, brushing his hair, which has grown longer and which he’s wearing without gel, away from his eyes. “Yeah,” he says. “But I’m not working today. I’m actually spending time with my son…” He looks around and calls to Hyunjin, who’s grown so much bigger than the last time Baekhyun had seen him. “Hyunjin, say hello to Baekhyun.”  
  
“Hi,” Hyunjin shyly waves at her.  
  
Baekhyun laughs and reaches out to ruffle his hair. “He’s grown up,” she says, looking back at Joonmyun.  
  
“He is,” Joonmyun proudly states. He then notices the male she’s hijacked the table from. “I should leave and stop… bothering you,” he says, vaguely gesturing to the table. “Just stopped by to get vanilla latte because…” He trails away and clears his throat. “It’s really nice to see you, Baekhyun.” He waves and takes Hyunjin’s hand, leading him out of the café.  
  
“You, too,” Baekhyun mutters, sitting back down listlessly.  
  
Her kind-hearted and nerdy chiseled faced table-mate peers at her curiously. “Are you okay?”  
  
“Fine,” she answers numbly, grabbing the mug on the table and taking a swig.  
  
“Hey! That’s mine!” he complains. He opens his mouth to complain some more but sees that Baekhyun’s not up to it. “Do you want anything? I can get you coffee or… something else.”  
  
“I’m okay, thanks,” Baekhyun politely declines. “I’m Baekhyun by the way. Thank you for letting me sit and for helping me not ruin the food.”  
  
“No problem,” he chuckles. “I’m Jongdae.” He reaches out to shake her hand.  
  
“Are you married, by any chance?” Baekhyun asks randomly as they shake hands.  
  
“Is that… a requirement to be able to sit with you?” Jongdae asks, cocking an eyebrow.  
  
“No,” Baekhyun laughs, shaking her head. “No…” she repeats, glancing at the now closed door of the café.  
  
  
  
  
  
-  
  
  
  
  
  
Outside, Joonmyun takes a deep breath before he chances a glance through one of the windows of the café. He watches Baekhyun laugh with the man she’s with and remembers a time when he made her laugh like that. It’s safe to say that he hasn’t gotten her off his mind, not once, in the past year and a half that they’d decided to call it quits. Even though she was absent from his life, Joonmyun had continued to hope that maybe one day they could pick up right where they left off.  
  
How could he not hope? Life with Baekhyun was almost within his reach. Joonmyun could almost taste it, could almost close his fists around it and keep it with him. It was _right_ _there_. He had never wanted anything so badly in his life. Joonmyun has never wanted to fall in love and stay in love with someone the way he was—is—with Baekhyun.  
  
“Papa, are you okay?” Hyunjin asks, tugging at his arm.  
  
Joonmyun crouches down and smiles at his son. “Yes, I am,” he assures him, brushing his hair to one side. He glances down at his left hand, eyeing the empty ring finger.   
  
His wife had filed for divorce shortly after, citing irreconcilable differences, and, in what seemed like a blink of an eye, Joonmyun was divorced and sharing custody of his son. Joonmyun wondered then how it was suddenly so easy. No one from his or his wife’s family even put up a fight to keep them together. Joonmyun supposes that they’d already done their parts for the company and for the media.  
  
Joonmyun was lost afterwards. He wasn’t sure what to do with the sudden freedom that fell onto his lap, the freedom that he thought he couldn’t have, the freedom that he had thrown away. He had thought about looking for Baekhyun and telling her about what happened, but Joonmyun figured he should let things happen in their own time. Baekhyun needed the time to recuperate from her divorce and he probably needed to as well. But how he wanted to be with her. And seeing her again after all this time…  
  
Joonmyun wills those thoughts away and takes a deep breath, standing up. “You ready to go?”  
  
“Yes, papa!” Hyunjin squeals happily, immediately tugging on his dad’s hand so they could walk faster. “To the zoo!”  
  
Joonmyun glances back sadly at the café for the last time, catching one final glimpse of Baekhyun, and then he’s following his son. He smiles slightly at the sight of his son skipping happily on the sidewalk.  
  
Joonmyun hopes that someday Baekhyun will find her happily ever after. Even if he’s not a part of it.


End file.
